PYHO: Chick Fil-A . . .

This whole Chick Fil-A thing has really been bothering me.  I've been thinking about posting something about it, but I know both sides of the argument are REALLY hyped up and I didn't want to start any wars.  But the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. 

I'm married with 3 children and I can honestly say I've never been attracted to another woman.  I'm just NOT.  But I don't necessarily think it's WRONG, it just doesn't apply to me.  The same way some people go to church every day.  I don't do that.  Others exercise every day.  I OBVIOUSLY don't do that, although I definitely SHOULD.  Some people choose to homeschool their children, again, not for me.  Do I think it's "wrong"?  No.  Can I give you reasons why *I* wouldn't do it?  Absolutely.  And yet, there are hundreds of thousands of people homeschooling their children.  I was raised Catholic.  I have friends that are Lutheran, Baptist, even some that are agnostic.  But that doesn't make me love them any less.  Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but it's just that, THEIR BELIEFS!  As long as you don't try to MAKE me agree with you, then I'm fine with it.  I know a lot of people are quoting the Bible and saying it's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.  (BTW, that cracks me up every time I hear it).  But ask yourself this question:  How long ago was it that people were quoting the same Bible to justify slavery?  And unequal rights for women? Unfortunately, it wasn't that long ago.  Can you imagine where we'd be today if that was still going on? 

When you are in a position of power or in the public eye, don't be surprised about people getting pissed off at you when you make a statement about something that people are so passionate about.  No matter what your position is, you're not going to have 100% agreement from the rest of the world.  So you need to be prepared for that if you want to make a stand.  And don't play "victim" when people start going off on you.  If that's how you feel, fine.  Stand up for yourself.  But then don't expect a pity party from the backlash.  At least not one from me.

Another thing:  The people that are using religion as justification for it to be "wrong", really irritate me, and here's why.  Don't go around preaching about how good and how great God is, and then say that He doesn't love someone because of their beliefs.  Do you NOT see a problem with this?  Because *I* do.  A MAJOR PROBLEM.  If you want to talk about God and Jesus, consider Jesus for a moment.  He never turned ANYONE down.  He was a friend to sinners, (and let's face it, we're ALL sinners), lepers, even those that betrayed Him, i.e. Judas and Peter - He never stopped loving them, and He even forgave them.  So why wouldn't God/Jesus do the same for Gays?  Do you really think He'd accept someone that BETRAYED Him, but NOT accept someone just because they're gay?  Seriously.  I don't see that happening.  And I have a hard time with "Christians" condemning anyone just because they are gay, or black, or a different religion.  Doesn't sound very CHRISTIAN to me.  

Last thing:  I have 3 children.  Do I think any of them are gay or will "become" gay?  Now, no.  Maybe?  Who knows?  But do you think if they did/were that I would love them any less?  They're my CHILDREN!  I will love them NO MATTER WHAT.  And aren't WE GOD'S children?  God loves UNCONDITIONALLY.  He loves more than we do.  He accepts more than we do.  He forgives more than we do.  Aren't we supposed to "model" ourselves after Him?  If YOUR God preaches hate, unforgiveness, and judgement, then I'm sorry, but we must not believe in the same God.  Because MY God doesn't.  MY God preaches love, forgiveness, and acceptance.  And personally, I like MY God better.

PYHO: Going Back To Work . . .

When Jason was born, just under 13 years ago, we decided I would stay home with him and not work full-time anymore.  Then 2 1/2 years later Andrew came along, so I continued to stay home.  As we were preparing for Andrew to start Kindergarten, I took the tests and classes to be a Substitute Teacher so that I could start working a little more when he started school, but still be around for the kids when they didn't have school.  I took my classes on a Thursday, was supposed to get a TB test on Monday, and then I would be able to start.  Only that Saturday we found out I was pregnant with Sarah Beth.  So those plans were put on hold.  

But now she's going to be starting Kindergarten in the Fall, so I guess it's time for me to go back to work.  (At least RYAN thinks it's time for me to go back to work)!  :(  I was thinking of doing the Substitute Teaching and refocusing on Real Estate on the days I'm not teaching, but he wants me to get a full-time job where I can get insurance for the family. 

Here's my dilemma.  I've been out of the work force for 13 years.  THIRTEEN YEARS.  I have no marketable skills.  So what do I do?  Not to mention, if I get a "real" job, that will mean having to put Sarah in Before/After School Care.  That costs $75 a week.  Of course, on the days they are out of school, that means I'll have to put her in there all day, so that will be more money.  Not to mention summer.  I've been able to spend the summers with the kids since Jason was born.  I won't be able to do that anymore.  And they, at least Sarah, will have to be at the Y program all day, every day, because I'll be at work.  So that's MORE money.  All in all, we're probably talking AT LEAST $7000-$8000 a year for child care, and more than that if we put Jason and Andrew in there also.  

Here's the other part of the problem.  I will be the first to admit that I'm not a very good housekeeper.  I HATE CLEANING HOUSE.  WITH A PASSION.  BUT, I still do it.  I also cook all of the dinners, and I do all of the laundry.  Everyone always has clean socks and underwear and clean clothes.  Plus, I lay Ryan's clothes out for him every morning before work.  If I start working full-time, that will NOT be happening.  We have been married for almost 16 years, and I can count on one hand the number of loads of laundry that he has done since I stopped working full-time.  I remember when we bought this house with the laundry on the same floor as all of the bedrooms.  One of the things he said to me was, "if the laundry is upstairs with us, then I can help you do the laundry."  Do you KNOW how many loads of laundry he's done since we moved here EIGHT YEARS AGO?  ONE.  That's right, ONE.  MAYBE TWO, but I think just ONE.  So yeah, he's a BIG help with the laundry.  NOT!  Again, that would be changing.  If I'm working full-time, I would NOT be the only one doing the laundry, the cooking and cleaning.  Our house might not be spotless, but at least HE doesn't have to do it.  NOW.  But again, that would change.  

The kids are getting older so we don't have a lot of wake ups in the middle of the night, but we do still have them on occasion, and I'm the one that always gets up with them, or stays up with Sarah if we can't get her to go to sleep, because he has to work in the morning, and I don't.  But if I'm working, I definitely won't be getting up every time.  He'll have to be doing some of that as well.  And getting the kids to before/after school care?  That's another thing we'd both have to take turns on.  The way things are now, he gets home between 5:30-6 and we eat dinner when he gets home.  Then the kids help me clean up from dinner and we're finished and playing outside or watching a movie by 6:30 or 7 pm.  But if I start working full-time I won't be home until at least 5:30 or 6, which means we'll just be starting to cook dinner at that time, and it'll be 7:30 or 8 before we're finished.  And again, I WON'T be doing it all by myself.  

Also, he travels.  Quite a bit.  And he said it's likely to be increased.  When I was planning on substitute teaching, I just figured I'd call myself off on the days he's out of town.  But if I'm going to be working full-time, that's not going to be an option.  So I'll be doing it all by myself, AND working full-time.  Just the thought of it stresses me out!  :(

I also pay all of the bills, do all of the grocery shopping and clothes shopping, take the kids to the doctor, pick them up when they're sick, pick them up when they have to stay after school for an event or practice, schedule all the things that need to be fixed around the house and make sure I'm here to let them in, do all of the Christmas shopping, and basically everything else that needs to be done.  EXCEPT the outside.  I don't cut grass or mess with the yard.  He does all that.  But I pretty much do EVERYTHING else.  And that's okay.  I took all of that on because he's working full-time and making the money for our family, and I'm not. 

I GET where he's coming from.  I really do.  I know he has to be envious that he's the one that has to get up and go to work every day, especially to a very stressful job, and I don't have to.  I get to sit around all day, watch my soaps and eat Bon Bons. Come on, you know that's what everyone thinks SAHM's do.  (I don't do either by the way.  Haven't watched a soap since before Andrew was born and don't think I've ever even HAD a Bon Bon).  So yeah, I GET it.  I know that has to suck.  And if I could get a job making the money he makes, then we could switch roles.  But I can't.  NOT going to happen.  But having BOTH of us work so he doesn't feel envious anymore, isn't the answer either.  Because if he thinks he's stressed now, wait until he works all day then has to come home and cook dinner and do laundry.  How stressed do you think he'll be THEN?!

So what do I do?  Do I get a job, any job, and just keep my mouth shut and go back to work?  Because I think once he realizes how much more stress it'll put on HIM, he'll decide after a few months that it's not the right decision and that I should quit.  Or do I try to convince him of this BEFORE starting a job?  But I think until he actually SEES and EXPERIENCES it, he's always going to think me working full-time is the answer.  And I don't know how to convince him otherwise, unless, like I said, he actually experiences it.

By the way, let me add that we have NO payments.  Our house is paid off and we don't have any car payments.  (And never will again).  We max out our 401K contributions and have separate ESA's for the kids that we fund every month with the maximum amount allowed.  We also have 3-6 months expenses in savings.  (THANK YOU DAVE RAMSEY)!  :)  So the point is, we don't NEED me to go back to work in order to live.  Yes, the money I make will give us more spending money and let us bulk up our savings more in case something happens, but we don't NEED it to live on.  I think that's very important to the situation.  If we needed the money to live, then I wouldn't even balk at it.  But we don't.

So now I'm asking, what would YOU do?  Am I wrong to think this way?  Am I acting like a spoiled "East End Housewife?"  Should I just keep my mouth shut and go back to work even though I will likely just be making enough money for insurance and child care with a little left for spending money?  Since I haven't worked in 13 years, it's not like I'm going to find a job paying 50K or more a year.  I'll be lucky to make 30K.   Not to mention all of the stress it's going to put on both of us.  What would you do?

Pouring My Heart Out with Shell today.  If you haven't checked out her blog, you REALLY should.  She ROCKS!  Plus, she has the most AWESOME name EV-ER!  :)

PYHO: ADD in Adults?

Have you ever heard of ADD in adults?  Do you think it's very common?  I SERIOUSLY think I have it, and it seems like it's getting worse the older I get.  I've never been diagnosed, but I feel like I've always had some form of it, even when I was a kid.  I can't focus on anything for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time.  Even if we're watching a movie, I can't just watch the movie; I'm reading a book, playing/working on the computer, playing a game.  I can't just sit still and watch the movie.  

It seems like the older I get, the worse I get.  It's VERY frustrating.  I feel like my mind is going in 10 different directions all at the same time, but I'm not getting anything accomplished.  I will start working on something, and I'll only last for about 10 or 15 minutes and then I have to move on to something else.  

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I CAN do anything.  But I do know that I'm tired of dealing with it.  I'm tired of my mind racing in 10 different directions at the same time.  I'm tired of not getting things accomplished because I can't stay focused long enough.  I'm just tired.

PYHO: Arguing In Front Of The Kids . .

I had a complete Mom Fail a couple of weeks ago.  We went to a surprise birthday party for my FIL at my SIL's house.  She has cats.  THREE of them.  And I am allergic to cats.  EXTREMELY allergic.  So after being there for a couple of hours, I was SO ready to leave.  I was starting to get a migraine from all of the sniffing and sneezing.  

Some friends of ours were supposed to come meet us at the party.  UofL was playing basketball for the Big East Tournament, so they knew they wanted to watch the game.  They called us to see if we wanted to stay at my SIL's and watch it or if we wanted to meet them somewhere.  But Ryan said, "they want to know if we want to meet them to watch the game."  The way he said it made me think they'd already talked about it and that that was what he wanted to do.  And since I'd had enough of the cats, I was MORE than ready to leave.  So I told him we'd meet them.  What he DIDN'T tell me, was that he wanted to stay THERE and watch the game. 

He kept trying to hurry us out of there, but Andrew wanted to wait until they cut the cake so that he could have a piece.  By the time we left, Ryan was ticked off because we were going to miss the start of the game, and I was ticked off because he kept snapping at me.  So we get in the car and we just started arguing and yelling at each other.  Mind you, we were BOTH wrong.  But neither one of us wanted to admit it.  So we just kept yelling at each other.  Finally, Andrew starts crying in the backseat because he's never seen us yell at each other like that. 

I felt like such a bad Mom.  I think it's okay for kids to see you argue with each other, and then see you make up, but we really went too far.  We both explained to him that everything was okay and that we were just upset and it had nothing to do with him.  I also told him that just because Mommy and Daddy argue doesn't mean they don't love each other.  I pointed out that he gets mad at me sometimes, and does he stop loving me?  He said no.  (Thankfully).  So I told him it was the same thing.  We still love each other, VERY MUCH, but we were just having a bad night. 

But still, I wish it hadn't happened.  And it SHOULDN'T have happened.  If we'd both been honest in the first place, and/or admitted that we were both wrong, then it never WOULD have happened.  But it did, and now there's nothing we can do about it, except act like grownups and try not to let it happen again.

Do you ever argue in front of your kids?  Do you think it's a bad thing to do?  What do you say to your kids when they see you arguing? 

Pouring My Heart Out today thanks to Shell.

PYHO: World Down Syndrome Day . . .

I had another post already started for this week's PYHO.  Then I heard that today is World Down Syndrome Day.  So that post can wait until next week.

I read an article this week that really got my blood boiling.  You can read it HERE. 

Am I the only one that has a problem with this?  How can you say in one breath that you would have aborted her if you'd known she had Down Syndrome, and then in the SAME breath say that you love her?  I don't get it.  I feel SO sorry for her, and I don't even know her.  But I DO know there are A LOT of people out there that would have GLADLY adopted her and not expect to receive $2.9 Million to do it.  

Have you ever been around a Down Syndrome child?  If not, then you don't know what you're missing.  The ones I've met are AMAZING.  They are just a little "more" in my opinion.  I don't really know how to describe it any other way.  They're a little more happy, a little more friendly, a little more bubbly.  They're just MORE.  And they're a joy to be around.  And they always make me smile.

When I was pregnant with Sarah we knew Down Syndrome was a possibility because of my "advanced maternal age" as my OB liked to call it.  We KNEW that.  And we discussed it.  And we knew that even if she had Down Syndrome, she was still our child.  When I was about 19-20 weeks pregnant we were told that she likely had Spina Bifida and/or Down Syndrome.  Now we'd discussed Down Syndrome, but not Spina Bifida.  And Spina Bifida scared me because everything I read talked about how painful and hard it is on the child.  And that broke my heart.  

So we had an emergency ultrasound to investigate further.  At the ultrasound we were told she DEFINITELY didn't have Spina Bifida, but there was still a 1/200 chance that she would have Down Syndrome.  We were also told we could have an amniocentesis if we were really concerned about it.  We looked at each other for about 2 seconds and said no.  That wasn't even an option.  We knew she was our daughter, and we knew Down Syndrome or not, we would love her.  And we weren't willing to take the risk of losing her from the amnio, in order to find out for sure.  (Which they say is about 99% accurate).  We had 2 more ultrasounds, and with each ultrasound the odds of her having Down Syndrome decreased with each one.  But we still didn't know for sure.  When she was born, the first words out of Ryan's mouth were, "she's healthy."  And I knew what that meant.  And I cried like a baby.  But not because I wouldn't love her, or he wouldn't love her, or the boys wouldn't love her.  We ALREADY loved her.  But because I knew her life would be easier without it, and she wouldn't be judged the minute someone looked at her.  And as a parent, isn't that what we want for our children?  For their lives to be as easy as possible, and for them not to be judged at first site?

But if she HAD been born with Down Syndrome, I NEVER would expect to receive $2.9 million.  I still can't believe the jury awarded them that money.  It just leaves me speechless.  And believe me, that doesn't happen often.  

If they didn't want her, then why didn't they put her up for adoption?  There are SO many people out there that WANT a child.  And they would have gladly adopted her.  And in my opinion?  She would have been better off.  Now keep in mind, I don't know these people.  But if I were them, I sure wouldn't be proud to admit that I received $2.9 million for not being able to abort my child.  And I also wouldn't be proud to admit that I was on the jury that awarded them that money.

PYHO: Wishing I Was Someone Else . . .

Pour Your Heart Out.  I've done this more than a few times thanks to Shell's encouragement.  I've written about things that are important to me.  Things that I wish I could do.  Things I wish I could change.  The kind of parent I want to be.  And they've all been from the heart.   But this one I've been wanting to write for many months, and I've never had the courage.  Or the strength.  Or whatever it is that makes people REALLY Pour Their Heart Out.  So here goes.

Most days, I just want to be someone else.  I want to be tall and thin.  I want to be able to wear a Size 6.  I want to shop from the "normal" section of clothes.  I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.  Or walk around Disney World without feeling like I'm going to die.  I want to be the person that turns people's heads when I walk in the room; not because I'm fat, but because I look "gorgeous". 

But that doesn't happen.  And it never will.  Because I'm NOT a Size 6.  And I never WILL be a Size 6.  Hell, I'd settle for a 10 or 12.  But again, I'm not.  So instead, I'm the person that turns people's heads because they can't believe someone could be so fat.  And not care.  I think that's it.  I think people think that fat people don't care that they're fat.  Well guess what?  That's not true.  It's SOOO not true.  I would give ANYTHING to be thinner.  I WANT to be thinner.  But I'm not.  I want to LOSE weight instead of gaining it just by looking at a Reese Cup.  But that doesn't happen.  I've always been overweight.  I don't remember a time when I wasn't.  And THAT'S depressing.  I have no energy.  I'm lazy.  I have no self-esteem.  And I think I DO have some depression because of my weight. 

But I don't know how to change it.  I mean, I KNOW how to change it.  But I need to lose A LOT of weight.  Like a WHOLE person.  Do you KNOW how daunting that is?  I could walk or do the elliptical and watch what I eat, and still, it would probably take me 5-10 years to look "normal."  And I'm 41, almost 42.  That means, if I start working hard now, I won't look "normal" until I'm 50.  FIFTY!!  So why bother?  I start exercise and diet programs, and they last for like 5 or 6 weeks, in which time I'm lucky if I've lost 5 pounds.  So I give up.  I walk and watch what I eat, and it doesn't do me any good, so why continue?  Don't laugh or judge me, but I've even tried diet pills and hypnosis.  But none of it works.  So why bother?

Why?  Because I NEED to be healthier.  I NEED to set a good example for my kids.  I don't want my kids to be overweight.  I don't want them to have the issues I've had all my life.  I don't want them to be judged as a bad person because of how they look.  I don't want them to think people are always staring at them because they're fat.  That's not fair to them.  They're AMAZING people, and other people need to know that. 

And maybe that's part of my problem too.  *I* think I'm a good person.  I care about people; I TRY not to be judgmental; I'm friendly; easy to talk to; a good listener; I typically give pretty good advice; I'm a good friend.  But I don't think people take the opportunity to see those things in me, because they can't see past the outside.  All they see is how I look.  They don't take the time to get to know ME. 

And I DON'T want that for my kids.  They DESERVE better.  Hell, *I* deserve better. But I don't know how to change it.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to change my mindset so that I'll start exercising every day.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.  But I wish I did.  I don't WANT to be fat.  And anyone that thinks I do, is SO wrong.  

Don't you think I'd like to be able to wear a swimsuit at the pool or the lake and not feel like I need to have my cover up on whenever I'm out of the water?  Or that I need to have a swimsuit that is shorts or a skirt so that it hides the top of my legs?  Don't you think I'd like to go out with my friends and not be the biggest person in the group?  Or feel comfortable enough that I could dress "sexy" (for a 40 year old anyway), when I go out with my husband?  Don't you think I WANT those things?

I'm SO tired of being FAT.  I'm tired of being tired all the time.  I'm tired of everyone staring at me.  I'm tired of people judging me as a bad person because of my looks.  I'm tired of thinking I embarrass my kids because they have a fat mom.  And I'm tired of hating myself every day because I don't have the strength to change it.  I'M JUST SO TIRED.

PYHO: What Kind Of Parent Are You?

 Anyone that knows me well, knows that I like the show "Glee".  

Go ahead and laugh at me, I'll wait.  

Are you finished?  Then I'll start.

The kids and I started watching it while we were living in China.  We actually had a Glee Marathon one week when they were out of school and Ryan was traveling.  We didn't have regular TV over there, but we COULD get whole Seasons on DVD.  Weird, huh?  Anyway, we walked across the street, bought Season 1, and spent 2 days watching nothing but Glee.  It was cold and rainy, so it's not like we could go outside anyway!  :)

I enjoyed it because we had amazing conversations. We talked about drugs and alcohol, sex, bullying, friendship and love.  I gained new insight into my kids, and I think they learned things about me they never knew before. 

One of my favorite characters is Burt Hummel.  For those of you that don't watch the show, he's a typical Redneck, 100% Man's Man, who has been a single father for years to an openly gay teenage boy.  And yes, he struggles with it, and he has issues with it, but through it all, he NEVER stops loving his child, and he never stops believing in him.  

I look at him, and I think, "THAT'S the kind of parent I want to be."  First let me start by saying that I have AMAZING parents.  But honestly, my brother and I are pretty boring.  And that's okay.  I HOPE my kids are boring!  But with 3 of them, chances are pretty high that at least one of them is going to present us with a situation that we're uncomfortable with and isn't what we had planned for our kids.  Now whether that's being gay, not going to college, wanting to drop out of high school, drinking underage, or WHATEVER the challenge may be, I hope I can be the kind of parent that Burt Hummel is.  I HOPE I can be someone my kids will always love and respect.  

I hope I can be someone they can always turn to when they need something.  I hope I can be the parent that will always stand by them, even when I don't agree with the choices they are making.  I hope I can be the parent that will be there during the hard times, so that I'll be able to celebrate with them during the good times.  I HOPE I'm that parent.  I WANT to be that parent. 

But I know it's not going to be easy.  I know I'm going to let them down.  I know I'm going to disappoint them.  I know I'm going to say things to them that I shouldn't say.  But I hope I don't.  I hope I'm supportive, loving, caring, and their biggest cheerleader.  I HOPE I'm THAT kind of parent.  Because my children are AMAZING.  And they DESERVE. THAT. KIND of parent.

PYHO: "LOSING" A FRIEND . . .

We've all been there.  You have a friend.  A CLOSE friend.  An extension of you.  That person you talk to daily.  The one you share your secrets with.  The one you vent to about your husband and your kids.  They make you laugh.  They cry with you.  They are honest with you, whether you want to hear it or not.  THAT friend.

So what happens when that friend is gone?  What happens when they pull away from you and you don't know why?  What do you do?  Is it me?  Is it them?  Did I say something wrong?  Did I DO something wrong?   

At what point do you just give up and walk away?  I'm usually the one making the contact.  I'm usually the one suggesting we get together.  I'm usually the one asking her to lunch.  That makes me think *I'M* the only one that really cares about continuing the relationship. 

Maybe that's not the case, but it sure feels that way.  So do I just give up?  Do I walk away?  Do I move on?  Or do I keep trying?  Is it worth trying to salvage?  What would you do?

PYHO: CHINA . . .

 

As many of you know, we spent a year living in China.  We were transferred there for my husband's job.  It all happened very quickly.  We were on vacation with some good friends on the Monday that we found out.  We returned home on the following Monday.  Four weeks and a day later we were on a plane heading to China.  

I believe I spent the first 8-10 weeks crying.  I was NOT happy to be there.  I missed my family.  I missed my friends.  I missed my LIFE.  But slowly, VERY SLOWLY, I started to adjust to our new life.  I started making friends.  I started finding things that I enjoyed doing.  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm VERY glad to be home, but by the time we left, I was sad to leave.  Part of me wishes that we had stayed a little longer.  I don't think 1 year was long enough.  It was a GREAT experience for all of us.  We learned a lot.  We saw things we never would have been able to see.  We traveled to new places. 

But Sarah will never remember any of it.  She'll have the pictures, but not really any memories.  And imagine how far in life the kids would go if they'd spent 4 or 5 years living in another country.  As a parent, we want our kids to have the best things in life.  We want them to have opportunities we never had.  We want them to do better than we did.  The school they were attending was an AMAZING school.  Imagine the college scholarships they could get if they spent years overseas.  

Yes, I'm glad to be home.  But some days, I miss our life in China.  I miss my Ayi!  :)  I miss being able to walk to just about anywhere we wanted to go.  I miss walking across the street and buying a movie for $2.  I miss Hot Pot.  I miss my friends.  (Although most of them are gone by now).  I miss learning new things and seeing new places.  I miss the closeness we had as a family.  Being away made us closer.  We had no one else to depend on, so we HAD to depend on each other.  Yes, we're still close.  We'll always be close.  But it was different there.  

So yeah, I'm VERY glad to be home.  But I also miss China.  And I don't regret for ONE MINUTE the opportunity we had to live there.

PYHO: THE RIGHT DECISION . . .

I've been struggling with a decision about my 9 year old for a few months.  Just when I thought I had it all figured out, someone made a suggestion that had me questioning whether or not it was the RIGHT decision.

Andrew is EXTREMELY smart.  Like, "how did I make YOU?", smart. But the problem is, he's also very lazy.  Unfortunately, he did get THAT from me! :(

In our schools they test them for Advanced Placement classes in Third Grade.  If you qualify, then you start taking AP classes in Fourth Grade.  Andrew qualified, and based on his scores, he also qualifies for the Gifted and Talented Program at one of the local schools.  So here's my dilemma.  And I'll take any advice anyone has to offer.  I have 2 options.

Option 1:  We could send him to the current school we'd planned on.  He will be in AP, and I know he will do well.  One of the reasons I'm thinking of going with this option is because he also has low self esteem.  (I know where he gets THAT from)!  :(  Part of me feels like if he goes to these schools, middle and high, he will be a little higher up from the other kids, and it might make him feel better about himself.  I want him to be smart, but I also want him to be well rounded and have a good self-esteem.  So if sending him to this school, where he'll still get an AMAZING education, but he'll also get a little bump up in his self-esteem, will help with that, then I don't see how that's the wrong decision.  Plus, if he's in the top 10% of the class, he'll have a better chance of getting a scholarship for college.  And since it's EXTREMELY expensive to send a kid to college, every little bit helps. 

Option 2:  Send him to the Gifted/Talented Program.  ALL of the kids there are EXTREMELY smart.  So he'll be on the same level, and probably will have kids that are much smarter than him.  But someone pointed out that that might make him work even harder.  (Lazy, from me, remember?)  So being in a school with kids as smart as him and smarter than him, could possibly make him a better student.  Chances are, it will.  However, he probably won't be in the top 10%, so not much chance of a scholarship.  BUT, if being with other people like him makes him work harder, then maybe he WILL be in the top 10%.  

No matter which school we choose, I really don't think there's a WRONG decision.  At least I hope not.  We still have a year to make the decision, he's only in 4th grade and we don't need to apply for the other school until next Fall.  We are going to tour the other school and see what it's like.  I keep asking for opinions from everyone.  I know it's ultimately OUR decision, and I know everyone has a different opinion, but I still feel like the more opinions I get, the more able we'll be to make an informed decision. 

So I'm asking you.  What would YOU do?

PYHO: CASEY ANTHONY . . .

I'm sure most of you have been following the Casey Anthony trial.  But even if you haven't, I'm sure you've heard about it.  I'm not a big news junkie, but even *I* have been following what's going on.  

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the case, she was accused and charged with killing her daughter and lying to the police.  She was acquitted of the murder, but found guilty of lying to the police.  And a lot of people have been really ticked off about that.  And they should be.  But instead of getting mad at the jury, I think we should take a closer look at the prosecution.  They didn't do their job.  Their job is to prove BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT, that she did it.  They didn't do that.  

Do I think she's guilty?  ABSOLUTELY!  But that's only my gut feeling, and my gut feeling is nowhere NEAR enough to justify putting her in prison for the rest of her life. There was way too much circumstantial evidence, and not enough HARD evidence to prove she did it.  (At least if there IS hard evidence, they didn't share it with the jury).  There are too many people that have served time based on circumstantial evidence and then because of DNA evidence, it's been proven that they didn't do it.  But those people served time for a crime they didn't commit.  And that's terrible. Our legal system is set up to protect the innocent.  I'd rather one guilty person be set free than for ten innocent people to be convicted.

Do I believe justice wasn’t served?  Yes. But it’s the prosecutors job to prove BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT that she committed the murder.  And they didn’t do that.  That’s on them. 

I DO believe in a higher power, and I DO think she will get what’s coming to her in the end.  But for now, I will not buy any books or watch any movies that are made about her.  She doesn’t deserve to profit from any of this.  And while I can’t stop anyone else from doing it, you’d better believe *I* won’t do it.

That being said, I do feel for that little girl, and I do think she should be honored and remembered and I have no problems “leaving my porch light on”.  And I will THANK GOD every single day that it wasn’t one of MY children!

PYHO: A KID'S PRANK GONE WRONG . . .

Something happened here last week that's really been bothering me.  And it's stirred up strong emotions on both sides of the subject.  

First, a little background.  One night last week, some young kids were playing Ding, Dong, Ditch.  If you're not familiar with that game, it's where a bunch of kids run up to a doorbell, ring it, and then run away.  I've had the prank played on me, and I'm sure we played it as kids.  I'm also pretty sure my kids have either played it or WILL play it!  

Here's the problem.  As I said, one day last week some kids were playing it in their neighborhood.  On their way up to one of the houses, they saw a man standing on his front porch with a shot gun, so they ran away.  While they were running, he fired at them and hit one of the boys.  He is 12 years old.  And he's been in the hospital ever since.  And he will have major issues for the rest of his life.  Now, I'm not saying what the kids did was right or wrong, but what that man did was ABSOLUTELY WRONG!  In what universe is it okay to aim a gun at a child; especially one that is running away from you?

There has been a lot of talk here about the kids doing something wrong and where were the parents.  And I get all that.  I'm not saying the kids are perfect.  But seriously?  Ding Dong Ditch makes it okay to aim a gun at a child?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!   Kids will be kids.  And they make stupid mistakes.  We all did when we were kids.  And I know my kids will too.  But don't EVER aim a gun at them.  If you have a problem with my children - call me.  Come see me.  But if you EVER aim a gun at MY child, don't be surprised to find me knocking on your door with my posse ready to kick some tail!

PYHO: PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME AND MY CHILDREN . . .

I read a post earlier today that got me to thinking.  I know, scary right?! 

Kim over at The Child caught my attention this morning. 

I haven't been writing much lately.  It's not because I don't have anything to say, because for those of you that know me, you know I ALWAYS have something to say!  But I haven't been writing much because I feel like my opinions or feelings may upset someone.  There are a lot of things I'd like to write about and get them off my chest, but I'm always worrying about other people will think.  It seems like I spend my whole life worrying about other people think.  And it's so *frustrating*.  So starting today, I'm going to write WHAT I want, WHEN I want, and try not to worry so much about what others are thinking.  So if I upset you or offend you, I'm sorry.  But remember, these are MY feelings and opinions.  Not anyone else's.  And I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

So here goes:

I have 3 beautiful children.  And I love them dearly.  But I think you can tell when people DON'T have kids.  Let me give you an example.  My cousin's little boy called 911 when he was about 5 years old.  Now her son is the same age as my Andrew, so this was about 4 years ago.  As she's telling me the story of what happened, and how her husband reacted, I started laughing.  I mean, REALLY laughing!  Then I told her, 'I'm sorry, I know it's not funny."  To which she replied that it was okay, now that it's over, she was laughing too.  I was picturing her husband talking to the cops, and it just cracked me up; especially because I know her husband and I know her child and I could TOTALLY picture the situation as it was happening.

So a few days later I was relaying the story to some other friends.  And one of them got really upset, yelled at me, and said, "I don't think it's funny at all."  Now, before you think I'm some crazy person that laughs at everything, let me explain.  No, it wasn't funny when it happened.  But I wasn't there when it happened.  I was told about it afterward.  And he DID get punished.  But, like I said before, I think you can tell the difference between people that HAVE kids, and people that have NEVER had kids.  As a parent, when I heard that story, my first thought was, "thank goodness that was not my child."  But before I could even finish that though,  I knew that it very well could have been. So yeah, to me it was funny. 

Before I had kids I was one of those people that said, "my child will never do that!"  Then I had them.  And guess what?  They did!  So when they were younger I'd say, "well he'll never do that when he gets older."  But guess what?  He did.  Now, I just pretty much assume that what's going to happen is going to happen, and the only thing I can affect is MY reaction and make sure they understand why what they did was wrong.  But anyone that has kids knows that sh*t happens.  It is what it is.  And you can't change that.  

Even as adults we don't always make wise decisions.  And we're adults.  So how can we expect OUR kids, or anyone else's, to make wise decisions all the time?  We can't.  It's not fair.  So before you judge MY kids or someone else's kids, think about this.  Have YOU never messed up before in your life?  Have you never done anything wrong?  If so, then by all means, you have the right to judge me and my kids.  But if not, please keep your judgement to yourself.   

PYHO: THE THINGS WE PASS ON TO OUR CHILDREN . . .

I have three BEAUTIFUL children.  Jason will be 12 next month, Andrew is 9 1/2 and Sarah Beth will be 4 in August.  I've written a lot about my weight and about how much it bothers me.  I wish I could change it, but I'm lazy and I've been overweight as long as I can remember, so I guess I just figure it is what it is.  

But now, it's affecting my child.  Jason and Sarah are little.  They always have been.  But Andrew is built more like me and he has a belly.  And he's the least active of my 3 kids.  Whenever the kids are outside playing, he's the first one to tire out.  He's the first one to come inside because he's tired of playing.  He's the first one to give up when they're playing tag and running around the neighborhood.  

And because Ryan and I are both overweight, we're worried about HIS weight.  I don't want him to go through his whole life thinking he's not a good person because he's fat.  I don't want him to worry about what other people think about the way he looks.  He went to a swim party the other day and he wouldn't get in the pool without a shirt on because he was worried about his belly.  AND I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT!

So the other night we talked to him about making better choices in what he eats and playing outside more.  And it broke my heart.  Because I know he gets this problem from me.  And it really sucks.  I told him that I would love him even if he had 3 heads and that it's not just about the way he looks, but it's about being healthy.  You guys don't know Andrew.  He's an AMAZING little boy.  And I'm not just saying that because he's my son.  He's smart.  And funny.  And so cute.  Everyone always talks about what a great kid he is.  And he is.  All of my kids are great.  But Andrew's the one with the most personality.  He's larger than life and he's really hard to forget.

So you can imagine how hard it was to have that talk with him.  The last thing I wanted was for him to think he's a bad person because he has a belly.  Because I've felt that way my whole life.  And I want so much better for him.  I don't want him to question the kind of person that he is.  I don't want people to miss his humor and his unique way of looking at things.  I don't want them to miss how smart he is, and not see how much common sense and "street" sense he has.  Because, let's face it, most people don't take the time to look past what they see on the outside.  And while it's definitely THEY'RE loss, because they won't see what an amazing person he is, it's still not fair to him.

So he and I decided that we're going to start walking together every night.  Just the two of us, and not for very long.  Just a walk around the block.  It'll get us both up and out of our chairs, plus it will give us some time, just the 2 of us to talk about our day. 

But I really wish neither one of us had to worry about these things.  Because honestly?  It really SUCKS!

PYHO: DEPRESSION: WHEN IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE . . .

I'm pretty sure I've never talked about this on here before.  For a long time, I never talked to anyone about it.  It was too heartbreaking.  And scary.  But recently, someone I care very much about has been having the same type of problems, and it's brought all of the memories flooding back. 

In September of 1998, I lost the best friend I've ever had.  My Grandma.  She meant the world to me.  And then suddenly she was gone.  And I was lost.  Then, the next month, after trying for almost a year, we found out I was pregnant with Jason.  Then, the NEXT month, my husband started experiencing SEVERE depression.  A lot of things happened all at once, and I think it just HIT him, pretty hard.  And he kept spiraling out of control, and there was nothing I could do to help him.  I was working full-time in customer service.  And I went from answering almost 400 calls a day, to being lucky to answer 100.  Because I was on the phone with him.  All day.  Every day.  He was crying all of the time.  I was crying all of the time because I didn't know how to help him.

I have a degree in Psychology.  I'm supposed to KNOW, at least a little bit, what I should be doing for him.  But I didn't.  I was clueless.  And he didn't want anyone to know what was going on.  So for awhile, it was just him and I trying to fight this battle alone.  Finally, after a few weeks he decided that we needed to tell my parents, because *I* needed someone that I could go to.  So we told them.  And as usual, they were very supportive.  Of both of us.  The day I married Ryan, he became a part of their family.  No questions asked.  I'm sure they thought we weren't "right" for each other.  Every parent questions the person their child is going to marry, right?  But they knew I loved him, and that was all that mattered to them.  So he became their other son.  And they were SO great.  Not only were they worried about me, but they worried about him too.  I'm not sure I ever thanked them for that.  So just in case I didn't, thanks Mom and Dad.  You helped me more than you'll ever know.

He finally started meeting with a Psychiatrist, to put him on medicine, and a Psychologist to talk to her about his feelings.  And let me be clear, in my opinion, one does not work, without the other.  IF you have severe enough depression, you NEED medicine.  But you also need the counseling.  (Even if you think you're a "big tough man" that doesn't need to talk about your "feelings", YOU'RE WRONG!!!  It's your feelings that got you here in the first place).  He started "intense" group therapy that he went to every day for about 4 hours a day.  He continued meeting with the counselor, I met with the counselor, and he continued meeting with the Psychiatrist until they found the right combination of medicine to help him through it.  This process was still going on even after Jason was born.  There is no "quick fix."  (There was a lot more than that, but this post isn't really about the "act" of the depression, it's about what it's like for the other person).  

We had a really tough few months.  Months where I wondered if he was going to get out of bed the next day.  Months where I wondered if *I* was going to get out of bed the next day, because I was so drained.  And so exhausted.  And I went through all of the emotions.  For a long time, I was so ANGRY with him.  Here I was, pregnant with our first child.  This was supposed to be such a happy time.  And I couldn't really focus on it, because I was so worried about him.  How could he be so selfish?!  (I never said I was thinking rationally.  I WAS pregnant after all)!  And I was sad.  And I cried a lot.

I don't know what he went through.  And honestly, I don't WANT to know what he went through.  But he doesn't know what I went through either.  I know it's harder being on his end, but it's not easy being on my end.  I saw the person I love turning into someone I'd never seen before.  He's always been more of a "glass half empty" person than me, but this was more than that.  This was the glass is empty and I can never fill it again!  And I was useless.  I couldn't "fix" it.  And I should have been able to.  Why couldn't I fix it?  Why wasn't I smart enough and aware enough to see it coming?  He cried all the time.  I cried all the time.  I honestly didn't know how to help him.  I TRIED being supportive.  But then I just got frustrated.  I kept thinking, why can't he see the GOOD things?  Why does he have to keep focusing on the negative?

I am 40 years old.  And to this day, that experience is the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life.  He talks every once in awhile about going off the medicine because he thinks he's better now.  And he may be.  But honestly?  I'm not willing to take that chance.  I can't, and I WON'T go through that again.  We KNOW what it's like.  And we know that him being on the medicine keeps it from happening.  So why tempt fate?  Why mess with a good thing?  I won't do it.  We have 3 kids now.  Three kids that are amazing and smart and funny and our whole world.  Why mess with that?  I already thought I was going to lose him once.  I'm not going to do it again.

PYHO: MARRIAGE ISN'T ALWAYS EASY . . .

Okay.  I read another article that got my blood boiling a little.  And you know how I am when I read something that ticks me off!  You can read that article HERE.  Take a few minutes to read it.  You need to in order to understand where this post is coming from.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  *Jeopardy Theme*

Okay, now MY thoughts.  I think she's TOTALLY off base.  And I think she's doing a great disservice to marriage.  ". . .a joy almost every day to be married, to feel relief and gratitude, and if it isn't you're in the wrong marriage."  REALLY?  With the high divorce rate in today's society, why would you SAY something like that?  OUT LOUD?!  On purpose?  'Oh man, my marriage isn't like that, so I guess that means I'm in the wrong marriage and I should just get out.'  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!  

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying marriage should be HARD.  But it's not easy either.  You have 2 different people, from 2 different backgrounds, with 2  different sets of life long experiences.  THEY ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON.  I remember my Mom telling me once that if you're in a relationship with someone, whether it's a friendship, dating, or marriage, and you never fight, then someone's not being honest.  Because you are 2 different people, and you are going to have 2 different opinions on things.  AND THAT'S OKAY.  It's what makes life interesting.  Can you imagine if we were all the same person and liked the same things and did the same things?  How boring would that be?

I love my husband.  I really do.  But I can honestly tell you that we go through stages where I don't like him very much.  And I know he feels the same way.  But that's a part of marriage.  But we also go through stages where we KNOW how lucky we are to have each other.  It's part of living with someone every day.  It's not easy raising kids either.  Does that mean I should just walk away from them?  Shouldn't raising kids be "a joy everyday"?  Again, I love my kids.  But it's not easy.  And it's not always a joy.  But does that mean I should just walk away from them?  NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.  So why would you say the same thing about being married?  Shouldn't we have the same love and respect for our spouses that we do for our children?  I don't get it.  Marriage is hard enough without having someone tell you that you are in a crappy marriage because you have to "work" at it.  

What right do you have to tell me how my marriage should or shouldn't be?  How do you know I'm not happy?  I have a husband that works hard.  He ADORES our children.  He's a great father.  He's USUALLY, (*winking*) a good husband.  He loves me.  He loves our kids.  He loves me even though I'm not a super model.  He loves me even though we don't like any of the same music.  He loves me even though we don't even like the same teams. (Go CATS)!  We come from TOTALLY different backgrounds.  So yeah, we're different.  And yeah, sometimes we have to work at it.  But sometimes we don't.  Sometimes we just "get" each other.  Sometimes it feels like we just met and are still infatuated with each other.  Other times it feels like we've been together forever and we're comfortable and enjoy each others' company.  Sometimes we're each others' best friend.

  

But is it always easy?  No.  Is it sometimes?  Sure.  But not always.  Do I think we should get a divorce because it's NOT easy?  REALLY?  I'm not a child.  Those idealistic views don't exist anymore.  Because I've experienced life.  I know life isn't always wine and roses.  Sometimes life sucks.  And sometimes it's amazing.  But ALWAYS it's worth it.  And I will tell my kids the same thing.  But I will NEVER tell them that if they have to "work" at it, then they are in the wrong marriage.  I want them to know that yeah, sometimes it is hard.  But you know what?  NOT being together?  That would be SO much harder.

If you are in a marriage and you are unhappy all of the time, please know that I am not saying you should stay in that marriage if it's unhealthy for you.  Sometimes, marriage doesn't work.  I get that.  But that's not what this article was about, and I am referring to that article. 

PYHO: OPERATION: PARENT . . .

Hi, my name is Michelle.  And I'm a Mom.  I LOVE being a Mom.  But if I'm being honest, it scares the holy hell out of me.  (Sorry, I gave up cussing for Lent, but since I TYPED that instead of SAYING it, I'm hoping it doesn't count)!  :)

My oldest is now 11; soon to be 12.  He's in 6th grade.  And he just had his first girlfriend a couple of weeks ago.  Now he's on girlfriend number 2.  No, he's not a "player", I just think this is all new to him and he's still trying to figure it out himself.  His first girlfriend was a neighbor that he was friends with first.  That didn't last long.  After they started "dating", they stopped talking to each other!  It was actually quite comical.  Anyway, his new girlfriend is someone at school.  At least he THINKS she's his girlfriend.  He said she's hugged him 8 times, (yes, he's obviously been counting), and his friends and her friends say they're "dating."  Keep in mind.  He's 11.  And in 6th grade.  And he only sees her in school.  My friend calls it a "business hours only" relationship.  And I'm okay with that.  Plus, I'm thinking based on how long the first one lasted, this one probably won't last too long either. 

But the point is, this is all new to me.  He's my oldest.  So I'm just now starting to experience these things.  And the first girlfriend freaked me out pretty bad.  Not because I don't like her.  I actually ADORE her, and her mom is a very good friend of mine.  But it freaked me out because it was all new to me, and I honestly didn't know what to expect and what was going to happen next.  Now I know that they last about 2-4 weeks at this age.  This time, I didn't freak out too much.  Plus, with her being at school, it's not like he will see her any other time.  I asked him what "going out" meant, and where he thought they were "going."  His response?  I don't know.  So yeah, I'm a little less stressed about this girlfriend than I was about the first one.

But this is just the beginning.  I know things are going to get more complicated and be more difficult to deal with.  So how do I handle these situations?  What do I do?  Do I freak out?  Do I pretend like it's no big deal?  I DON'T KNOW!!!  Enter Operation: Parent.  They came and talked to us during one of our PTA meetings.  This is their Mission Statement:  "Supportive Parents Involved In Raising Incredible Teens"  Their flier says:  Operation: PARENT is on a mission to educate, encourage and engage parents of teenagers!  We are dedicated to parents who need a little help and encouragement to stay connected to their teen during the challenging middle and high school years.

It started with one mother.  She has 5 kids.  And she felt like she was missing the boat and not doing the things she should be doing.  So she went and talked to her high school principal, and it just evolved and took flight from there.  In Oldham County.  And now they're bringing it to Jefferson County and they are also in Florida. 

And now we are bringing it to our middle school.  Another parent and I are taking the class starting next month, and then in the next school year we will start facilitating the classes.  I'm very excited about it.  I don't know what to do.  Like I said, this is all new to me.  I'm looking forward to interacting with other parents and finding out that maybe I'm not such a bad parent after all.  Maybe I AM making the right decisions and doing the right things for my kids.  There are so many issues out there now that kids have to deal with, that we never did.  How do we handle those situations?  What do we do if and when they come up?  I'm hoping Operation: Parent can help with that. 

One thing I do know for sure - I LOVE my kids.  And I want to do what's best for them.  And maybe that's not the same thing you would do.  But that's okay.  Because we are different.  Our KIDS are different.  But I want my kids to know that I am here for them.  I want them to know they can come and talk to me about anything and everything.  I might not always agree with them, but I still want them to be able to share with me.  And I want to not freak out about every little thing that happens.  Because it's going to happen.  Like or not.  So I need to know how to react when it does.  And I need to be aware of what "it" might be.  

Why can't they just stay 3 forever?!

PYHO . . . FIGHTING TO KEEP MY SANITY . . .

I told you about the fight between 2 people I love very much.  Well it's only gotten worse.  And I keep letting it bother me.  I keep worrying about it and letting it keep me up at night.  But it's time that I stop.  I think they're both wrong.  But neither one will admit it.  I also think they're both right.  But again, neither one will admit that the other one might be right.  How can that be the case you ask?  How can they both be wrong AND right at the same time?  Easy.  There's always 3 sides to every story.  There's my side, your side, and the  whole truth.  Unfortunately, the truth is often clouded by our judgment and we can't see through our own hurt and anger.

I could tell you WHY A acted a certain way.  I could tell you that it's because she  was protecting her children and her family.  But that doesn't matter.  I could tell you why B acted a certain way.  I could tell you that it's because she was protecting HER family.  But again, it doesn't matter.  Because the hurt and anger is so deep that it'll probably never go away.  And that sucks.  For all of us.  

It sucks for me that I've lost someone I thought I was close to because the feud is more important than me.  It sucks for A and B because they're both so angry they're saying and doing things that they would never say or do to anyone else.  It sucks for C because she feels like she's caught in the middle and she doesn't want to hurt or upset either one of them, even though it's tearing her up inside. 

So it's time I TRY to stop worrying about it.  It's time I wash my hands of it.  It's time I realize that yeah, I'm not that important after all and that it's not my fight to fight.  It's time I start focusing on the things I CAN change, and ACCEPT the things I cannot change.  It may not give me Serenity, but it may give me back a little bit of SANITY.

PYHO: DEAR YMCA BASKETBALL COACH . . .

First, I understand that you volunteered and I didn't.  I get that.  Good for you.  I don't know enough about basketball to play, much less coach, so I didn't volunteer.  

That being said, if you are NOT going to coach the WHOLE team, then don't bother coaching.  Leave it up to someone else.  Thanks to your "awesome" coaching, I now have a child who thinks he's the worst player on the team and he's the reason the team loses pretty much every game.  So yeah, thanks for that!  *thumbs up*  AWESOME coaching!

This is a YMCA league, not AAU or Club, which means that they are there to LEARN.  So TEACH them.  They are 8 and 9 years old.  They have a thirst for knowledge that isn't always going to be there as they get older.  Show them what they're doing wrong, but PRAISE them for the things they're doing right!  The kids that already know how to play, and are good at it, let them help you teach the other kids that are just learning.  Instead of only playing and practicing with the 4-5 team members that are good, put them all in there and let them learn from each other.  Practice is supposed to be for the whole team.  It's not to make the ones that are good, better, while the others sit on the sideline and watch.  That's not really much of a practice for them, is it?!

Another thing, if you're going to give a "game ball" or "game bracelet" or whatever you're going to give, don't you think you should make sure EVERYONE on the team gets it at least ONCE, before someone else gets it THREE TIMES?????  Do you know how heartbreaking it is as a parent to see your child get so upset after a game, a game in which he got a couple of rebounds and got fouled while shooting, because he thought he might get it this time?  Do you know what he was the most upset about?  That the person that DID get it, had already had it twice.  And you know what?  I DON'T BLAME HIM!  Way to build them up and make them feel good about themselves!  Awesome coaching job!

I realize my child is not an athlete.  I get that.  Unfortunately for him, he takes after his mother.  But if you're not going to TEACH him, then please don't sign up to coach.  He already has self esteem issues as it is.  Thanks SO much, for making him even MORE self conscious. 

He will no longer be playing anymore basketball.  EVER.  Also, if and when we sign up for another sport at the Y, I will MOST DEFINITELY make sure that you are NOT his coach. I do not want you anywhere near my child tearing him down and making him feel bad about himself.  Life is hard enough as it is.  Adults are supposed to build children up, NOT tear them down.

Signed,

One Ticked Off And Upset Mother

PYHO: JENNIFER ANISTON I'M NOT . . . .

I told you one of my goals is to lose weight.  I haven't updated lately on all my goals, so I'll have to do that soon.  I've decided to only do it once or twice a month, so I'll get around to it.  Eventually.  ;)

Anyway, back to the other goal.  I've still only lost 11 lbs.  I'm stuck.  And getting VERY frustrated.  At what point do I say, I'm not going to look like Jennifer Aniston, so why bother?  At what point do I say, if you don't like me simply because of how I look, then that's YOUR problem, not mine?  At what point do I say, I'm in a crappy mood all of the time worrying about it, so why do I keep bothering?  At what point do I say, as long as I start making better choices about the things I eat MOST of the time, then what's wrong with not looking like a super model? 

I GET that it's unhealthy.  I understand that.  But honestly, I can't remember when I WASN'T overweight.  And no, I'm not happy about it, but maybe there's worse things I could be?  I'm not a drug addict.  I don't beat my kids.  I'm not a thief.  Does being overweight make me a bad person?  I don't think so, but I think other people do.  I think a lot of people don't take the time to get to really know me because I don't fit the "ideal" of what I should be.   I never have been.  But that doesn't make me a bad person.  I LOVE my kids.  I LOVE my husband.  I LOVE my family and friends.  Shouldn't I be judged on THOSE things instead of how I look?  

I've spent most of my kids lives telling them not to judge people by the way they look.  There is no black and white.  There is no rich and poor.  There is no smart and dumb.  People are PEOPLE.  First and foremost.  Get to know them, before you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them.  Don't judge them on the way they look.  Judge them on who they ARE.  And I think they're pretty good about following that.  So if my kids can see past the way people look, then why can't adults?  Aren't WE supposed to be setting good examples for our children?  For the future generation?  Aren't WE supposed to be teaching them how to grow up to be respectful and trustworthy?  How can we expect THEM to do those things, when we don't do them ourselves?