PYHO: Wishing I Was Someone Else . . .

Pour Your Heart Out.  I've done this more than a few times thanks to Shell's encouragement.  I've written about things that are important to me.  Things that I wish I could do.  Things I wish I could change.  The kind of parent I want to be.  And they've all been from the heart.   But this one I've been wanting to write for many months, and I've never had the courage.  Or the strength.  Or whatever it is that makes people REALLY Pour Their Heart Out.  So here goes.

Most days, I just want to be someone else.  I want to be tall and thin.  I want to be able to wear a Size 6.  I want to shop from the "normal" section of clothes.  I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.  Or walk around Disney World without feeling like I'm going to die.  I want to be the person that turns people's heads when I walk in the room; not because I'm fat, but because I look "gorgeous". 

But that doesn't happen.  And it never will.  Because I'm NOT a Size 6.  And I never WILL be a Size 6.  Hell, I'd settle for a 10 or 12.  But again, I'm not.  So instead, I'm the person that turns people's heads because they can't believe someone could be so fat.  And not care.  I think that's it.  I think people think that fat people don't care that they're fat.  Well guess what?  That's not true.  It's SOOO not true.  I would give ANYTHING to be thinner.  I WANT to be thinner.  But I'm not.  I want to LOSE weight instead of gaining it just by looking at a Reese Cup.  But that doesn't happen.  I've always been overweight.  I don't remember a time when I wasn't.  And THAT'S depressing.  I have no energy.  I'm lazy.  I have no self-esteem.  And I think I DO have some depression because of my weight. 

But I don't know how to change it.  I mean, I KNOW how to change it.  But I need to lose A LOT of weight.  Like a WHOLE person.  Do you KNOW how daunting that is?  I could walk or do the elliptical and watch what I eat, and still, it would probably take me 5-10 years to look "normal."  And I'm 41, almost 42.  That means, if I start working hard now, I won't look "normal" until I'm 50.  FIFTY!!  So why bother?  I start exercise and diet programs, and they last for like 5 or 6 weeks, in which time I'm lucky if I've lost 5 pounds.  So I give up.  I walk and watch what I eat, and it doesn't do me any good, so why continue?  Don't laugh or judge me, but I've even tried diet pills and hypnosis.  But none of it works.  So why bother?

Why?  Because I NEED to be healthier.  I NEED to set a good example for my kids.  I don't want my kids to be overweight.  I don't want them to have the issues I've had all my life.  I don't want them to be judged as a bad person because of how they look.  I don't want them to think people are always staring at them because they're fat.  That's not fair to them.  They're AMAZING people, and other people need to know that. 

And maybe that's part of my problem too.  *I* think I'm a good person.  I care about people; I TRY not to be judgmental; I'm friendly; easy to talk to; a good listener; I typically give pretty good advice; I'm a good friend.  But I don't think people take the opportunity to see those things in me, because they can't see past the outside.  All they see is how I look.  They don't take the time to get to know ME. 

And I DON'T want that for my kids.  They DESERVE better.  Hell, *I* deserve better. But I don't know how to change it.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to change my mindset so that I'll start exercising every day.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.  But I wish I did.  I don't WANT to be fat.  And anyone that thinks I do, is SO wrong.  

Don't you think I'd like to be able to wear a swimsuit at the pool or the lake and not feel like I need to have my cover up on whenever I'm out of the water?  Or that I need to have a swimsuit that is shorts or a skirt so that it hides the top of my legs?  Don't you think I'd like to go out with my friends and not be the biggest person in the group?  Or feel comfortable enough that I could dress "sexy" (for a 40 year old anyway), when I go out with my husband?  Don't you think I WANT those things?

I'm SO tired of being FAT.  I'm tired of being tired all the time.  I'm tired of everyone staring at me.  I'm tired of people judging me as a bad person because of my looks.  I'm tired of thinking I embarrass my kids because they have a fat mom.  And I'm tired of hating myself every day because I don't have the strength to change it.  I'M JUST SO TIRED.

POUR YOUR HEART OUT: BULLY'S AT EVERY AGE . . .

Have you guys heard of Cop's Wife?  If not, you need to check her out.  At times she's funny.  Other times she's heartbreaking.  But she's always inspiring.  If you have been reading her, then you know where this is going.  If not,  then you need to check her out.  I promise you won't be disappointed.  

Anyway, back in November she wrote a post that went VIRAL.  That's how I discovered her.  You can read that post HERE.  I STRONGLY recommend reading it.  I promise you won't be disappointed.  That was back in November.  Since then, she's received a lot of positive feedback, (THANKFULLY), but she's also received some negative feedback from basically the last place it should have come from.  You can read that post HERE.

Now for MY thoughts on the subject.  When I read the first post, I couldn't believe that ADULTS were saying those things.  ADULTS.  In front of a child.  A CHILD.  Let's be clear here people.  Boo is 5 years old.  FIVE YEARS OLD.  SERIOUSLY?  I'm a girl.  And I have a brother that is 1 year and 10 days younger than me. Do you know how many times I played cars with him on the fireplace fan pretending like it was a car ramp?  Or how many times he played school or dolls with me?  We were CHILDREN.  Did my parents freak out that he was playing dolls or school?  Or that I was playing cars?  NO.  Because we were CHILDREN.  You get the point, right?  

I have 3 children.  Jason is almost 12.  Andrew is 9 and Sarah Beth is 3 1/2.  My boys like boy things.  They like Ben 10, Backugan, Star Wars.  Sarah, being the youngest of the 3, she plays with her dolls and her strollers, but she's just as likely to be playing Ben 10 or Star Wars with her brothers.  And from the time Andrew was about 2 years old, he's LOVED cooking, cooking shows, and anything about cooking.  We bought him a kitchen when he was 3.  (Actually my parents bought it for him for Christmas).  And he LOVED that kitchen.  But he was a boy.  He wasn't SUPPOSED to have a kitchen, right?  My guess is that if ABC had seen that he had a kitchen, they would have made sure that I knew that it wasn't "right".  Really?  Who are YOU to tell me what's right or wrong for my children?  The only 2 people that get to decide those things are me and their father.  They are OUR children.  Not yours.  And if you have a problem with him having a kitchen, oh well.  For all you know he could be the next Emeril.  I bet you won't be making fun of him then, will you?!

If you know me well, you know that "bullying" is my hot button.  And that's EXACTLY what those women were doing.  They were BULLYING Cop's Wife and Boo.  How sad is that?  You are a GROWN woman and bullying a child makes you feel better?  What does that say about the type of person that you are?  Am I being judgmental?  You bet I am.  You know the difference between you and I?  You actually DID something to cause that judgment.  I didn't just look at you and decide that you were not a person I want around me or my kids.  I heard  about the things you said.  And you don't deserve to be around my kids.  Sure you go to church and you send your kids to a church school and I don't.  But that doesn't make you better than me.  You're an example of one of the people I am talking about HERE that probably wouldn't like me because I don't go to Church regularly.  But YOU'RE one of the people that I DON'T want around my kids even though you go to church on Sundays, and I don't. 

And then I read the 2nd post, and I was even MORE disappointed.  Yes, I know not all churches are like that.  I get that.  But her church is.  The same church that she volunteers at, PAYS to send her kids to, attends services every Sunday.  The same church that is supposed to be her religious family.  The same church that wants things from her, but can't support her during this time.  The same church that NOT ONE TIME asked how Boo was doing.  That's NOT the type of church she, or anyone else for that matter, belongs in.  

I have so many thoughts about this topic going through my head, and I don't even know what to say or how to say it.  You see, there are bullies everywhere.  Most people think of bullies as the kid that beats you up on the playground or takes your lunch money.  But they're not the only ones.  What about the ones that say you can't be my friend because you're too poor, or too fat, or too dumb, or not a cheerleader, or not an athlete?  They're still bullies.  Make no mistake:  Anyone that puts someone else down to make themselves feel better, is still a bully, whether they hit you, or steal from you or call you names.  They're still a bully.  And it's bad enough when they're kids or teenagers.  But when you're an adult and you're still doing it?  What does that say about you?  Do you know what it tells me?  It tells me that the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making others feel bad.  It tells me that you are insecure.  And childish.  And anything BUT a Christian. And MOST DEFINITELY a BULLY! 

I have a lot more to say, but I think you get the picture, so I'll shut up now.  Thanks for listening.  

POUR YOUR HEART OUT: NOT GOING TO CHURCH . . .

Okay, for those of you that go to church every Sunday and think that it's the most important thing in the world, then you're not going to like this post very much.  Because I DON'T go to church every Sunday.  As a matter of fact, I very rarely go.  I used to go.  All the time.  I was raised to go every. single. Sunday.  No matter what.  And even when I was in college, I still continued to go almost every Sunday.  I went to the Newman Center at EKU and we had an AMAZING Priest there.  He made us all want to go to church.  He always had something important to say.  And he always made US feel special and important.

But then I graduated.  And I did go for awhile.  But now I very rarely go.   And honestly, I'm okay with that.  I know I may not go to church every Sunday, but I don't think that makes me a bad person.  I still love my family.  I take care of my kids.  I try to be there for my friends and family when they need me.  I respect people.  I care about people.  I listen to people.  I BELIEVE in God.  I KNOW He's there, and I pray to Him, and I talk to Him when I need to.  And I'm teaching my kids that there is a God, and even though we can't see Him, He is always there for us.  I tell them every day that they're the greatest gift God ever gave me.  But I don't go to church.  

Maybe you think that makes me a bad person.  And you're entitled to your opinion.  But *I* don't think that makes me a bad person.  I know A LOT of people that go to church every Sunday, and I wouldn't want them around my kids.  I know people that think going to church on Sundays makes them better than everyone else.  They think going to church means they can do whatever they want during the week. But they're not really listening when they're there.  They're just THERE so they can say they go.  But during the week, they talk bad about people.  They don't really care about people.  They don't care about others feelings.  They're disrespectful.  They don't listen to the needs of those around them.  But they go to church on Sunday.  So they're a better person than me.

Now don't get me wrong, I know A LOT of people that go to church every Sunday and they're AMAZING people.  My parents for example.  They go to church every Sunday.  They belong to a prayer group that meets twice a month.  My mom belongs to another one that meets once a month.  They're always there to help my brother and I, whatever we need.  When my grandmother was sick, my parents had her live with them for awhile before she went into the nursing home.  And my mom took care of her every day.  When they had friends and family that needed a place to stay when they were in between moves, they opened their home to them.  When their nieces needed help, they helped them.  Because that's what God would have wanted.  So yeah, they go to church and they live the Christian lifestyle every day.  Do they mess up?  Sure they do.  They're human.  But they have good hearts.  They try to do the best they can.  And NOT just during the one hour of church on Sunday.

But I also know a lot of people that DON'T go to church every Sunday and I still think they're amazing role models for my kids.  And I would love for them to spend as much time with them as possible.  My brother for example.  He doesn't go to church on Sundays.  Hasn't for a long time.  But you'll be hard pressed to find a kinder, gentler, more giving person than him.  Yeah, he doesn't go to church on Sundays, but he shows what it means to be a Christian EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  Just ask the girls he's coached for years and years.  He definitely doesn't do it for the money!  He does it because he loves his job and he loves working with kids and he loves teaching them how to be better ball players.  And they LOVE him.  You can't go anywhere with him without running into a former player or a former player's parent.  And some of his closest friends?  Parents of the girls' he's coached over the years.  He doesn't coach them anymore, hasn't for years, but the parents know what a good person he is and they enjoy spending time with him.   But he doesn't go to church.  So if you think someone that doesn't go to church is a bad person, then you'd never get to know him.  And that's YOUR loss. 

I WISH I WAS ANONYMOUS PART 2 . . .

This is another one of those "I wish I was anonymous" posts.  This has been bothering me for awhile now, so I guess it's time to get it out there and off my chest.  Here's the deal.  Many of you know I joined a new company in October.  It's called Thirty One Gifts.  You can read more about it HERE.  I've let everyone in my family, my husband's family, and all of my friends know about it.   Heck, I've even let YOU GUYS know about it! I know it's a hard time for everyone and everyone is cutting back, but I figure if they're going to buy from 31, they might as well buy from me.  Right?

So I was talking to a family member about having a party and she told me that she is having one for a friend.  Maybe I shouldn't be, but I've been really upset about it.  I've heard this same person say, on more than one occasion, that "we're family" when she wants or needs something.  But I guess that only applies to her.  I keep thinking, how would she feel if she was doing something like this and I did the same thing to her?  I think she'd be really upset.  And I also think she'd make sure that pretty everyone knew that I wasn't supporting her. So why are the rules different for her?  

I don't know.  Maybe I'm just being selfish.  What do you think?  How would you feel?  Am I overreacting? 

POUR YOUR HEART OUT . . . . I WISH I WAS ANONYMOUS . . . .

To go along with my New Years Goal of writing more often, I've decided to follow some other blogs and write about their suggestions.   Shell at Things I Can't Say has Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays.  I've read some amazing stories on there. 

I would love to pour my heart out.  My problem is, I feel like I have to censor everything I say because I am not "anonymous."  If I was, I could really talk about what I want to without worrying about hurting anyone's feelings, or making anyone mad, or having someone laugh at me and tell me I'm stupid.  But I don't have that option.  Because I'm not anonymous.  

If I was, I could tell you about the fight between 2 people I care about, and how it's tearing me up inside.  I could tell you how I'm so disappointed in C because she has chosen to get in the middle of this fight, even though she doesn't belong there.  In the process she has hurt B, who has done some amazing things for her over the years.  But I guess none of that's important now.  Because A is the side she's "chosen" and B can just pretty much to go Hell and take her money and time and shoulder to cry on with her.  I could tell you how I've "chosen" to be on B's side, but I still love A and would never intentionally do anything to hurt her or make her mad.  

I could also tell you that I'm wondering why *I* have to be the bigger person, when no one else does.  I could tell you that I'm wondering if any of them ever really loved me if they let a fight with someone else, get in the way of spending time with me, or calling me, or checking on me to see how I'm doing.  I could tell you that I'm being just as selfish because I don't make the effort anymore either.  I was told by B to stay out of it and not treat A any differently because it wasn't my fight.  And she's right.  It's not.  So I did stay out of it.  Or at least I tried to, until I found out that it's not just A and B's fight anymore.  Now it seems the rest of the peanut gallery is getting involved in it too.  So if they are, then why can't I?   Does that make me sound petty?  Probably.  Does that make me selfish?  Probably.  Does that make me a bad person?  Maybe. 

But you see, I can't tell you those things, because everyone knows who I am.  And now everyone knows that I am petty, selfish and a bad person. 

FUNK . . .

I haven't been writing much lately. I've been kind of in a "funk" and can't figure out how to get out of it. Hopefully it'll get better when we get home. Actually, I'm SURE it will. I think I'm just SOOOO ready to go home, that it's bringing me down. The last few weeks have been pretty hard. All of my, OUR, friends are gone, either for the summer or for good, so there hasn't been much to do around here. Plus, it's either raining, or it's so hot we don't want to go outside. We've been watching a lot of movies; the kids are doing their Math every, well ALMOST every day; they have one set of friends that are still here, brothers, so they've been over here for a sleepover every week for the past few weeks. That's been nice because it gives them someone different to play with for a change.

But I'm still in a "funk." Hopefully it'll go away soon. It's getting old.

THE HARDEST PART . . .

I think the hardest part about being here is that I feel like I'm letting down my family and friends back home. My Mom's brother, my uncle, died . . . and I wasn't there. My best friend from high school got married . . . and I wasn't there. My best friend from college, her Dad got really sick and had surgery . . . and I wasn't there. Do you see a trend developing here?

I feel like I've missed so much, and wasn't there for so many things, this past year.

SORRY . . .

Sometimes the hardest thing to say to someone is "I'm Sorry." And yet, sometimes those 2 words mean more than any other words we hear.    I'm sorry I said those things.  I'm sorry I did what I did. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.

And sometimes, "I forgive you" is even harder to say.

Everyone makes mistakes.  Everyone says things they wish they hadn't said.  Everyone has had to say I'm sorry, at some point in their life.  Think about those times.  How would you feel if you said I'm sorry, and the other person said I don't forgive you?

Life's too short.  It can change in an instant.  The person you love can move  away forever.  They can get sick.  They can die.  Then it's too late to say "I forgive you."

SIX WEEKS . . .

Exactly six weeks from now we will be on a plane heading for home.  While I'm THRILLED that it's only 6 weeks away, I HATE that it's STILL 6 weeks away.  It seems so far away.  I guess that seems silly considering we've been here for over 40 weeks!  But still, it seems really far away.  The boys and I are having a hard time.  All of our friends are gone now.  They all went home for the summer, so we feel a little out of sorts.  Every day we wake up and count down the number of days that we have left.  Right now we're down to 42.  

Wish us luck.  The last 42 days might be the hardest.

TO CONTINUE OR NOT TO CONTINUE . . .

Someone asked me if I was going to continue writing on the blog when we get back to the States.  I told her I wasn't sure if I should or not.  Part of me thinks that it's called BRUNER FAMILY TRAVELS, and after this year, we will no longer be traveling.  The other part of me thinks that with 3 kids, EVERY DAY is an adventure, so why not keep it up?  Plus, it's been very therapeutic for me at times.  I find on the days that I'm having a hard time with something, once I "blog" about it, I tend to feel better.  I think it helps just getting it off my chest, even if no one but my parents are reading it!

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I guess I'll wait until we get home and see how "inspired" I feel.

BLAH . . .

I've been feeling very BLAH, (not sure that's really a word ;-) ), lately.  I can't explain it.  I just feel like I SHOULD be doing something, but I don't WANT to do anything.  I should have gone to school today.  Jason's play starts tomorrow and they did a "preview" for the school today.  I'm sure they needed help getting everyone in their places.  I SHOULD have gone, but I didn't.  I had a migraine, and honestly, I just didn't FEEL like it.  And now I'm feeling guilty for not going.  Nice huh?  

Ryan's out of town this week.  He left yesterday morning, and he'll be back Friday afternoon.  Jason had play practice until 8:30 on Monday and Tuesday.  Tomorrow, Friday and Saturday is the play.  He'll stay after school tomorrow and Friday.  The play is at 7 and lasts about 2 hours.  Which means it'll be 10ish before he gets home.  Saturday he has to be at school at 3:30 to start getting ready for the play. 

I guess with him being gone every night and Ryan being out of town, I'm feeling a little lost.  Or a lot lost.  I don't know.  I just don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything.  I went out yesterday and bought Andrew some shoes, which he desperately needed.  And I had a nice time.  But I decided to stay home today.  And maybe that's why I'm feeling so lousy today.  Maybe if I had went ahead and gone to school, migraine and all, I would have at least felt useful.  But I didn't.  Instead I stayed home.  And now I'm writing about my crappy day.  And it's cold and rainy outside, so that makes it even worse. 

I am SO ready for Spring.  At least when it warms up I'll be able to get out more without dreading the cold and the rain.  They say it gets warmer here earlier than at home.  Actually my friend was telling me that she was checking the average temperature in Shanghai.  Between January and February, the average high only changes by about 4 degrees celsius.  But between February and March, the average high changes by about 12 degrees celsius.  So I guess that means I just need to make it through February, right?

On a positive note, Ryan's Grandpa, Jack, is coming to visit us in two weeks.  Monday morning Jason and Andrew were getting ready for school.  Andrew told Jason that he hopes this week goes by as fast as last week because that means "it'll only be one more week until Grandpa comes!"  I guess he's excited about Grandpa coming.  We all are.  It gives us something to look forward to.

HARD BEING BACK . . .

It's been really hard being back.  I thought coming back would be easier since we knew WHAT we were coming back to.  But it's actually been harder.  I think it's because it's so cold and yucky out and we can't get out like we did when we first got here.  When we first came here, we were always out doing something, trying to learn about where we were.  But right now it's so cold, and anyone who knows me knows that I HATE the cold, so I haven't been out much.  I'm sure that has a lot to do with my mood. 

I've made plans to have lunch with a friend on Tuesday.  And another friend another day this week depending on her schedule.  I'm sure once I get out and start getting back into the swing of things, then things will get a lot easier for me.  The boys seem to be doing well, eventhough they've both been fighting some major cough and congestion.  They are getting back into the routine of school.  Jason has been getting back to play practice.  His play, Alice in Wonderland, is the last week of the month.  He has practice 3-5 days a week until the play is over.  Needless to say, he'll be really busy.  But he seems to be okay with it.  He's excited about being in the play.  I'll record his part and post it on the blog after it's over.  I haven't seen it yet, but I can tell you, they are VERY SERIOUS about it, eventhough it's the 5th and 6th grade play.  I'm sure it'll be great.  Of course, I could just be a little biased! 

Anyway, enough of the pity party. 

VENTING . . .

Okay, this has been bothering me since we got back to Shanghai, and it's not going away, so I figured I'd blog about it and get it out of my system.  So here's the story.  We had a 1 1/2 hour flight from Louisville to Detroit.  Then from Detroit, we had a 15 hour flight to Shanghai.  LOTS of time on the plane.  And the Shanghai flight was completely packed.  They had to move some of the carry-on luggage below to the luggage compartment, because there simply wasn't enough room for everyone's carry-ons.  So you get the picture, the plane was packed.  And there are 5 of us.  Cramped into our small seats, just waiting for the time to be over.  (The upside - I got to drink Diet Coke the whole ride over.  NOT worth the 15 hour flight mind you, but at least it was a positive)!

So anyway, we get off the plane, go through Immigration and then go to get our bags so that we can go through Customs.  All 8 of them.  That's right, I said 8.  But that's another story I'll tell you later.  Anyway, we're standing there waiting for our luggage, and this lady is standing next to me, griping because she is "priority" and Shanghai airport just can't get it straight that her luggage was supposed to come off the plane first.  Over and over I kept hearing that people needed to get their bags off the luggage belt or the other bags weren't going to come off.  Now mind you, there were A LOT of people still waiting to go through Immigration.  It's a little difficult to get your bags off the beltway, IF YOU AREN'T THERE TO SEE THEM!!!!  I mean really.  Use some common sense.  WE were actually pretty lucky because since we had Sarah in her stroller, they put us through a "special" lane, which meant we didn't have to stand in line quite as long as everyone else.  And for that, I am VERY thankful.  But still, there were LOTS of people on our plane, and I know we weren't the only plane arriving at that time, so the line for Immigration was very long.  She just kept complaining and complaining that she was PRIORITY and her bags should have come off first.  After listening to her gripe for about 10 minutes, Jason finally asked me what Priority meant.  I wanted to tell him it meant someone who thinks she's hot sh*t when she really isn't.  But instead, I told him it meant that they, (or most likely their company), paid for Business Class instead of Economy.  I told him it's what Daddy is when he's flying by himself for work.  What I wanted to tell HER was that she just spent 15 hours on a plane, probably sleeping, LYING DOWN, ALL BY HERSELF!  I, on the other hand, was dealing with a 10 year old, 7 year old and 2 year old, and DID NOT get to lie down the whole way! If she thought I wanted to sit there and listen to how special she was, she was WAY off base!

It's funny, because one thing you learn after being here for awhile, is that the locals here can be VERY rude.  But what's really sad is when those of us that aren't from here, start acting like the people that are.  That's when you know you've been here too long.  And that maybe it's time for you to go back home.  Just my two cents!

IT'S ME . . .

So I haven't written much in awhile.  Last weekend we went to Beijing.  While we were there we didn't have internet access, so I wasn't able to get on and update anything.  Then, ever since we've been back I've been feeling kind of "blah" so I figured that wasn't a good time to write either.  

I still don't feel great, but I will post some stuff later.  I will tell you we had a GREAT time in Beijing, and we took 198 pictures over the weekend!  I'll post them as well as tell you about our trip later on. 

HOMECOMING . . .

This weekend is Homecoming weekend at EKU - Eastern Kentucky University.  It will be the 2nd Homecoming I've ever missed.  The 1st was for my wedding. This is a sentimental weekend for me.  I'm going to miss an event that I look forward to every year.  The kids love going too.  And even Ryan has accepted the fact that we'll be going every year, and although he'll never admit it to me, I think he even enjoys himself while we're there. 

It's the one time of the year that we make the time to be there.  My college roommate, Sandy, and her family go every year also.  We only live 90 minutes from each other, yet Homecoming is the only time we know for sure we'll see each other.  Except for this year.  This year they're not going either.  While it makes it easier for me to miss it, it's still a very sad occasion.  A yearly ritual.  We've been 12 years in a row.  Until now.  Hopefully we'll be able to make the next 12.  I'm going to miss you guys terribly.  But I keep telling myself that next year's Homecoming will be even better.  And it will be.  But it's still a year away. 

NEXT WEEK . . .

Ryan is leaving for Beijing next week.  He'll be gone all week.  He leaves on Monday morning and returns on Friday night.  He's probably going to be doing a lot of traveling while we're here.  And I'm used to him traveling a lot.  When we're at home.  But the traveling here is different.  At home we have our routines.  When he's out of town, Mom and Dad keep the kids at least one night so I have a night and a morning all to myself.  I don't have to get up in the morning and get the boys ready for school and fix breakfast and pack lunches.  Sometimes I stay with them one night too and get to hang out with my dad at O'Connell's, and sit on the couch talking to my mom until it's time for bed.  I have my friends at home.  I'm comfortable at home.  I know where everything is at home.  I SPEAK THE LANGUAGE AT HOME!!!  Anyway, just keep us in your prayers.  Pray that I keep what little bit of sanity I have left.

JASON'S FIELD TRIP . . .

I posted Jason's field trip reflections yesterday, so I thought I would explain them today.  The 5th graders go on a 3 day 2 night field trip to a place called Nanbeihu.  It's kind of a team building field trip.  It actually reminds me of the retreats we took when I was in High School.  He leaves this morning, which is Monday morning for us, and he gets home at 5pm on Wednesday.  He's so excited.  He had a hard time getting to sleep last night because he couldn't stop thinking about the trip. 

It sounds like a great trip.  They do repelling, trust fall, archery, leap of faith.  They'll have camp fires at night where they'll be singing and telling stories.  It sounds like a lot of fun.  I can't wait to hear all about it when he gets back.  I'm going to have him write about in on here once he comes home.  

BETTER TODAY . . .

Just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling better today.  I got a letter and card from home, thanks so much Kathleen and Bobby, and it really helped lift my spirits.  It's funny how something so small can make such a big impact.  I think I just needed to feel a connection to home.  Actually, I hadn't checked the mail in a few days, so it could have been there for awhile, but I think God wanted me to wait to check it on a day that he knew I would need it.  Sounds corny huh?!

Anyway, I've got a lot to tell you, so I'll write more later, just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling better.  I hope you're all doing well too, and I STILL can't wait to come home for Christmas!

GONNA BE A ROUGH ONE . . .

I woke up in a bad mood today, so I'm guessing it's going to be a bad day.  Not really a "bad" mood, I guess just a "sad" mood.  Most days are pretty good, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time today, and it's only 9:15 in the morning.  That doesn't bode well for the rest of the day! 

Oh well, my dear friend Sandy told me I'm entitled to them, so I guess I just deal with it and get through it.  Tomorrow is another day.  And it's one day closer to coming home for Christmas and seeing everyone.  I miss you all and I can't wait to see you.

BORING . . .

I think I've discovered I'm a pretty boring person!  Not really knowing anyone here, Sarah and I don't really do much during the day while the boys are at school, except watch Elmo, do flash cards, read, and I Facebook while she's sleeping or watching Elmo.  We don't go out much during the week.  It's kind of frustrating not being able to communicate with anyone when we DO leave, so sometimes it's just easier to stay home.  We go out everyday to pick up the boys from school, but other than that, we don't do much during the week. 

Starting tomorrow, I'll be working in Jason's class every Tuesday morning grading math papers.  (Luckily she's giving me the answer sheet)!  And this Wednesday is the first PSO Meeting, so I know I'll be going out tomorrow and Wednesday for sure.  Thursday night is Elementary School Back To School Night.  I'll probably be out more this week, than I have since we've been here!