Thursday, March 24, 2011


Okay.  I read another article that got my blood boiling a little.  And you know how I am when I read something that ticks me off!  You can read that article HERE.  Take a few minutes to read it.  You need to in order to understand where this post is coming from.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  *Jeopardy Theme*

Okay, now MY thoughts.  I think she's TOTALLY off base.  And I think she's doing a great disservice to marriage.  ". . .a joy almost every day to be married, to feel relief and gratitude, and if it isn't you're in the wrong marriage."  REALLY?  With the high divorce rate in today's society, why would you SAY something like that?  OUT LOUD?!  On purpose?  'Oh man, my marriage isn't like that, so I guess that means I'm in the wrong marriage and I should just get out.'  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!  

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying marriage should be HARD.  But it's not easy either.  You have 2 different people, from 2 different backgrounds, with 2  different sets of life long experiences.  THEY ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON.  I remember my Mom telling me once that if you're in a relationship with someone, whether it's a friendship, dating, or marriage, and you never fight, then someone's not being honest.  Because you are 2 different people, and you are going to have 2 different opinions on things.  AND THAT'S OKAY.  It's what makes life interesting.  Can you imagine if we were all the same person and liked the same things and did the same things?  How boring would that be?

I love my husband.  I really do.  But I can honestly tell you that we go through stages where I don't like him very much.  And I know he feels the same way.  But that's a part of marriage.  But we also go through stages where we KNOW how lucky we are to have each other.  It's part of living with someone every day.  It's not easy raising kids either.  Does that mean I should just walk away from them?  Shouldn't raising kids be "a joy everyday"?  Again, I love my kids.  But it's not easy.  And it's not always a joy.  But does that mean I should just walk away from them?  NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.  So why would you say the same thing about being married?  Shouldn't we have the same love and respect for our spouses that we do for our children?  I don't get it.  Marriage is hard enough without having someone tell you that you are in a crappy marriage because you have to "work" at it.  

What right do you have to tell me how my marriage should or shouldn't be?  How do you know I'm not happy?  I have a husband that works hard.  He ADORES our children.  He's a great father.  He's USUALLY, (*winking*) a good husband.  He loves me.  He loves our kids.  He loves me even though I'm not a super model.  He loves me even though we don't like any of the same music.  He loves me even though we don't even like the same teams. (Go CATS)!  We come from TOTALLY different backgrounds.  So yeah, we're different.  And yeah, sometimes we have to work at it.  But sometimes we don't.  Sometimes we just "get" each other.  Sometimes it feels like we just met and are still infatuated with each other.  Other times it feels like we've been together forever and we're comfortable and enjoy each others' company.  Sometimes we're each others' best friend.
But is it always easy?  No.  Is it sometimes?  Sure.  But not always.  Do I think we should get a divorce because it's NOT easy?  REALLY?  I'm not a child.  Those idealistic views don't exist anymore.  Because I've experienced life.  I know life isn't always wine and roses.  Sometimes life sucks.  And sometimes it's amazing.  But ALWAYS it's worth it.  And I will tell my kids the same thing.  But I will NEVER tell them that if they have to "work" at it, then they are in the wrong marriage.  I want them to know that yeah, sometimes it is hard.  But you know what?  NOT being together?  That would be SO much harder.

If you are in a marriage and you are unhappy all of the time, please know that I am not saying you should stay in that marriage if it's unhealthy for you.  Sometimes, marriage doesn't work.  I get that.  But that's not what this article was about, and I am referring to that article. 


Amy said...

Being as I'm divorced, I'll stay out of the whole marriage thing. Her article didn't interest me in the least. I had a hard time even reading that article. It seemed a bit unrealistic to me. Your view point makes a lot more sense.

Shell said...

Okay, phew. As I was reading that article, I was thinking, oh, I hope you don't agree with that b/c I'd have to leave a really vague comment then. LMAO Now that I see you think she's way off base, I'll continue reading your post....

Okay, I'm back. ;) I totally agree with you. EVERYTHING in life takes work. My husband puts it this way- do you get a nice, in-shape body by sitting on your butt doing nothing? No, you put effort into it. Same with marriage- you can't just take it for granted and expect that you are going to be happy all the time. It's work.

And if you aren't happy, you are in the wrong marriage and get out? Okay, then most marriages would last less than a year.

Like you, I'm not talking about when something is seriously wrong- I *do* believe in getting out then. But, not over the little things. Not over a passing feeling of not being happy for a little bit.

Marriage is more important than that.

And wow, is this the longest comment ever? This is one of my personal hot-button issues. ;)