Wednesday, February 22, 2012

PYHO: "LOSING" A FRIEND . . .


We've all been there.  You have a friend.  A CLOSE friend.  An extension of you.  That person you talk to daily.  The one you share your secrets with.  The one you vent to about your husband and your kids.  They make you laugh.  They cry with you.  They are honest with you, whether you want to hear it or not.  THAT friend.

So what happens when that friend is gone?  What happens when they pull away from you and you don't know why?  What do you do?  Is it me?  Is it them?  Did I say something wrong?  Did I DO something wrong?   

At what point do you just give up and walk away?  I'm usually the one making the contact.  I'm usually the one suggesting we get together.  I'm usually the one asking her to lunch.  That makes me think *I'M* the only one that really cares about continuing the relationship. 

Maybe that's not the case, but it sure feels that way.  So do I just give up?  Do I walk away?  Do I move on?  Or do I keep trying?  Is it worth trying to salvage?  What would you do?

8 comments:

cassee01 said...

I think I would just put it all out there to her and ask her - I mean if you are that close you should be able to ask her that. Explain your feelings and ask that she be honest even if it hurts your feelings (but be prepared for it - don't say it if you don't mean it). Hope she's just not aware and everything works out.

Deanna crazed said...

There comes a point where you have to realize you are just wasting energy. If someone truly cares about you and wants to be your friend, they will make an effort. It can't be all just you. I've been through this many times. It hurts though when friends don't treat you the same way you treat them. If I were you, I'd just come straight out and ask what the deal is.

Amy said...

I think sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own lives and kids and schedules that they forget to take time for themselves. That includes lunch dates and calls. I don't invite my girlfriends out for lunch because I can't afford it any more. Or maybe she's dealing with something that is so overwhelming for her (or embarrassing to her) that she's obsessing over it. And sometimes, friendships just grow distant as we grow older and our interests change.

I'd agree and say talk to her but please realize that you might not get an honest answer - or any answer at all.

I would continue to invite her out occasionally and continue to be there for her when the time comes that she needs me while giving her some space in case she's dealing with something right now. And I'd let her know that I'm there for her if something was going on that she needed me. :)

Di said...

I had a friend do that and I just let it go. I figure she will come back to me when she is ready. I don't like it or enjoy it. I really miss her but I can't force it either.

Julia Hunter said...

That's a tough one. Sometimes you have to learn when you need to press on and when you need to let go. Sometimes it's best to just sit it out and see what happens. The friendship could flurish again or it could fade.

Maureen | Tatter Scoops said...

That is tough for sure. It takes two sides to make a friendship works. I sure do hope you will find the answer that you are looking for soon.

Shell said...

I struggle with this. I don't know how much to push and seek answers and when it just simply let it go.

ShontaeB said...

I definitely agree with Amy. I found as the years went on after I got married and had kids of my own that life keeps going and gets very busy. Then when your friend's life is just as busy as yours, it can make it hard to keep as close as you used to be. Doesn't mean there is any love lost or anything. Maybe you can make a date, with plenty time to plan and get ready for, and get together with your friend. Don't give up on your friend. Especially a best friend. They are hard and few to find.