PYHO: Arguing In Front Of The Kids . .

I had a complete Mom Fail a couple of weeks ago.  We went to a surprise birthday party for my FIL at my SIL's house.  She has cats.  THREE of them.  And I am allergic to cats.  EXTREMELY allergic.  So after being there for a couple of hours, I was SO ready to leave.  I was starting to get a migraine from all of the sniffing and sneezing.  

Some friends of ours were supposed to come meet us at the party.  UofL was playing basketball for the Big East Tournament, so they knew they wanted to watch the game.  They called us to see if we wanted to stay at my SIL's and watch it or if we wanted to meet them somewhere.  But Ryan said, "they want to know if we want to meet them to watch the game."  The way he said it made me think they'd already talked about it and that that was what he wanted to do.  And since I'd had enough of the cats, I was MORE than ready to leave.  So I told him we'd meet them.  What he DIDN'T tell me, was that he wanted to stay THERE and watch the game. 

He kept trying to hurry us out of there, but Andrew wanted to wait until they cut the cake so that he could have a piece.  By the time we left, Ryan was ticked off because we were going to miss the start of the game, and I was ticked off because he kept snapping at me.  So we get in the car and we just started arguing and yelling at each other.  Mind you, we were BOTH wrong.  But neither one of us wanted to admit it.  So we just kept yelling at each other.  Finally, Andrew starts crying in the backseat because he's never seen us yell at each other like that. 

I felt like such a bad Mom.  I think it's okay for kids to see you argue with each other, and then see you make up, but we really went too far.  We both explained to him that everything was okay and that we were just upset and it had nothing to do with him.  I also told him that just because Mommy and Daddy argue doesn't mean they don't love each other.  I pointed out that he gets mad at me sometimes, and does he stop loving me?  He said no.  (Thankfully).  So I told him it was the same thing.  We still love each other, VERY MUCH, but we were just having a bad night. 

But still, I wish it hadn't happened.  And it SHOULDN'T have happened.  If we'd both been honest in the first place, and/or admitted that we were both wrong, then it never WOULD have happened.  But it did, and now there's nothing we can do about it, except act like grownups and try not to let it happen again.

Do you ever argue in front of your kids?  Do you think it's a bad thing to do?  What do you say to your kids when they see you arguing? 

Pouring My Heart Out today thanks to Shell.

Final Four Baby!

I posted a few days ago about Ryan wanting to go to The Final Four.  So guess who's heading to New Orleans Thursday night/Friday morning?  That's right, ME!  I've never been there before, so I'm kind of excited about going some place new.  But I'm REALLY excited about being there for the Final Four.  We're the only state to send 2 teams to the Final Four.  How cool is that?  It's also the first time that UK/UofL have EVER played each other in the Final Four.  And I'll be there to see history being made.  So yeah, I'm a little excited! :)  I'll be even MORE excited when my Cats send the Cards home packing!  (I sure hope so anyway)!  

I plan on taking lots of pictures down there, so I'll post them when I get back.  In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out what to take and get us packed, getting the kids stuff packed for the grandparents, and finishing taxes before we leave!

One more thing - GO CATS!!!!

Hunger Games . . .

I took my 12 year old son to see "The Hunger Games" last night.  We both LOVED it!  It's definitely one of the best movies I've seen in years.  The acting was SUPERB.  Jennifer Lawrence was AMAZING as Katniss and Josh Hutcherson was the perfect Peeta.  He conveyed the longing and the love that Peeta has for Katniss with just a look.  And she portrayed Katniss' fear and disappointment without saying a word.  The supporting actors were great too.  Lenny Kravitz was my favorite.  I have to admit I shook my head when I heard he was playing Cinna.  I just didn't think he was the right fit.  But he NAILED it.  For as little as he was on the screen, he still had a big impact - his admiration for Katniss which then turned into love and respect.  Woody Harrelson as Haymitch was HYSTERICAL.  Most of the laughs came from him.

I love that the movie actually stuck to the story in the book.  But I do wish that they had spent more time on the actual Hunger Games and less time on the events leading up to it.  In the book, when Rue dies, I cried like a baby.  But I didn't when she died in the movie because they hadn't really spent a lot of time on their relationship.  But honestly, that is my only disappointment.  I think the movie was very well written.  The acting was amazing.  And I can't wait to see  "Catching Fire".  

A lot of people have talked about the violence in the movie.  If you've read the books, you know it's a violent subject and the books are VERY violent.  But I didn't think the violence in the movie was that bad.  I honestly think there is a lot  more violence in movies like "Transformers" and even "Star Wars."  I was a little leery about letting Jason see it because of all the things people were saying about the violence.  But he REALLY wanted to see it, and he'd read the book, so I took him.  However, I didn't want to take Andrew because I didn't know what to expect.  But after seeing the movie, I would let him see it if he wants to. 

If you haven't seen it, I strongly recommend it, especially if you've read the books.  It's definitely one I'll be seeing again.  And the sooner the better!

Final Four . . . .

If you follow basketball, you know that the University of Louisville is heading to New Orleans for the Final Four.  You also likely know there is a VERY  good chance that they will be facing the University of Kentucky in that game.  (We are a split household - I'm a Kentucky fan, and hubby is a Louisville fan). When Louisville won last night, hubby and his friends decided they HAD to be there. So they booked a room.  $1600 for 3 nights.  That's A LOT of money for a hotel room.  Granted, it's in the French Quarter, and it's Final Four, and we're not the only ones paying for it, but it's still A LOT of money for 3 nights in a hotel. 

He wants me to go.  And if Kentucky wins today, I'd LIKE to go.  But we have 3 kids.  And that would mean 5 days away from them.  5 days my parents would have to watch them.  5 days of them feeling like NCAA Basketball is more important to us than they are.  And that's not fair to them, and it's DEFINITELY not true. 

So I'm thinking, whether UK wins today or not, this might end up being a guys trip.  I can watch the game at the local sports pub, WITH my kids, my dad, and some of his closest friends, and still be able to cheer my Cats on to victory, even if that means doing it from Louisville instead of New Orleans.

Remember what life was like before having kids?  I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, but life was definitely less complicated then.  It would have been so easy to just go away for 5 days and not even give it a 2nd thought.

What would you do?

PYHO: World Down Syndrome Day . . .

I had another post already started for this week's PYHO.  Then I heard that today is World Down Syndrome Day.  So that post can wait until next week.

I read an article this week that really got my blood boiling.  You can read it HERE. 

Am I the only one that has a problem with this?  How can you say in one breath that you would have aborted her if you'd known she had Down Syndrome, and then in the SAME breath say that you love her?  I don't get it.  I feel SO sorry for her, and I don't even know her.  But I DO know there are A LOT of people out there that would have GLADLY adopted her and not expect to receive $2.9 Million to do it.  

Have you ever been around a Down Syndrome child?  If not, then you don't know what you're missing.  The ones I've met are AMAZING.  They are just a little "more" in my opinion.  I don't really know how to describe it any other way.  They're a little more happy, a little more friendly, a little more bubbly.  They're just MORE.  And they're a joy to be around.  And they always make me smile.

When I was pregnant with Sarah we knew Down Syndrome was a possibility because of my "advanced maternal age" as my OB liked to call it.  We KNEW that.  And we discussed it.  And we knew that even if she had Down Syndrome, she was still our child.  When I was about 19-20 weeks pregnant we were told that she likely had Spina Bifida and/or Down Syndrome.  Now we'd discussed Down Syndrome, but not Spina Bifida.  And Spina Bifida scared me because everything I read talked about how painful and hard it is on the child.  And that broke my heart.  

So we had an emergency ultrasound to investigate further.  At the ultrasound we were told she DEFINITELY didn't have Spina Bifida, but there was still a 1/200 chance that she would have Down Syndrome.  We were also told we could have an amniocentesis if we were really concerned about it.  We looked at each other for about 2 seconds and said no.  That wasn't even an option.  We knew she was our daughter, and we knew Down Syndrome or not, we would love her.  And we weren't willing to take the risk of losing her from the amnio, in order to find out for sure.  (Which they say is about 99% accurate).  We had 2 more ultrasounds, and with each ultrasound the odds of her having Down Syndrome decreased with each one.  But we still didn't know for sure.  When she was born, the first words out of Ryan's mouth were, "she's healthy."  And I knew what that meant.  And I cried like a baby.  But not because I wouldn't love her, or he wouldn't love her, or the boys wouldn't love her.  We ALREADY loved her.  But because I knew her life would be easier without it, and she wouldn't be judged the minute someone looked at her.  And as a parent, isn't that what we want for our children?  For their lives to be as easy as possible, and for them not to be judged at first site?

But if she HAD been born with Down Syndrome, I NEVER would expect to receive $2.9 million.  I still can't believe the jury awarded them that money.  It just leaves me speechless.  And believe me, that doesn't happen often.  

If they didn't want her, then why didn't they put her up for adoption?  There are SO many people out there that WANT a child.  And they would have gladly adopted her.  And in my opinion?  She would have been better off.  Now keep in mind, I don't know these people.  But if I were them, I sure wouldn't be proud to admit that I received $2.9 million for not being able to abort my child.  And I also wouldn't be proud to admit that I was on the jury that awarded them that money.

52 Weeks Of Happiness . . . A Little Late To The Party . . .

Leigh over at Leigh vs. Laundry has a project that she calls 52 Weeks Of Happiness.  Basically, you are supposed to scout out Happiness in your life and post about it every Tuesday.  Since I MISERABLY failed at the Project 366 (a picture a day, every day, for one year), I'm thinking maybe even *I* can do 1 picture a week.  Of course I'm starting late, but then again, anyone that knows me knows that I'm ALWAYS late, so really, it's right on time for me.  Right?

So here's my first picture.  I posted it already on another post, but that's okay.

Last Friday night Andrew's school had a Parent/Child Dance.  We had a REALLY good time.  And I got to have some quality time with my favorite 10 year old.  And let me tell you, my boy can DANCE!  :)

I went on the 4th Grade Field Trip with Andrew's class.  They went to the state capital, Frankfort.  It was fun touring the city with the kids, even though it was raining.

At least once a week when I pick up my camera I find a picture of Sarah Beth.  She LOVES taking pictures, especially of herself.  This one cracks me up.  Not sure what that face is all about!

Those are my pictures for the week.  I'm going to do my best to stick to THIS Picture Project.  Wish me luck.  I think I'll need it. 

Bad Mom Day . . .

Am I the only one that has Bad Mom Days?  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I LOVE my kids dearly.  They are my world!  But yesterday, Sarah Beth was in a mood, and I'm afraid I didn't handle it very well.  She whined and cried about almost everything.  And I had my limit.  By the time the day was over, I was SO ready for her to go to bed.  IN HER OWN BED.  I couldn't stand the thought of listening to her whine and cry ONE MORE TIME.

Please tell me I'm not the only one that has those days.  Does that make me a bad mom?  Or does it just make me normal?

Funniest Blogger In All The Land . . .

Leigh over at Leigh vs. Laundry has something that she calls Freakshow Friday.  On Fridays she posts an outrageous looking picture, and you're supposed to come up with the best "tagline" for it.  Well lucky me, I won last week's Freakshow Friday.  So that means I'm the Funniest Blogger In All The Land.  

At least until next week! 

 (Click the button above to see the picture and my winning answer). 

Mother/Son Dance . . .

Andrew's school has a Parent/Child Dance for the 4th and 5th graders.  They actually started it the year we were in China, so I never got to go with Jason.  Since this is Andrew's 4th grade year, this was our first time going.  

We went out to dinner with 8 other Mother/Son's beforehand, and then we went to the dance.  Dinner was a NIGHTMARE.  We went to Longhorn Steakhouse.  We tried calling to make reservations but they wouldn't take them.  That should have been our first sign to switch restaurants.  We did call ahead seating, and when we got there we told them there was a party of 18 and they told us THREE TIMES they would give us 2 servers.  We never received another server.  Our server was good, but she was overwhelmed.  She should have had someone helping her.  Our Dance started at 7, but because of the dinner issues, we didn't arrive there until 8.  

BUT, we had a good time.  Andrew had a BALL!  I even got him to dance a few dances with me!

 Me and My Baby!

I Love My Boy!

 

 Andrew and His Friends Dancing

 Gettin' Down!

 Sam, Andrew and Mitchell

Dancing Fools!

 This Is Preston.  She Is The Daughter of My Best Friend Laura.

 Looks Like They're Having Fun

 Y-M-C-A

 Showing Off Their Moves!

 My Boy's Got Rhythm!

 Show 'Em How It's Done Andrew!

 You Think He'd Be Tired By Now!

 Keep On Dancing

 What A Goober!

Andrew And His Best Friend Sam

 Having Fun

 Go Andrew!

 Showing Off His Moves

 Andrew And Sam

 How Low Can You Go?

 Electric Slide

 

So Glad They Had A Good Time!

PYHO: Wishing I Was Someone Else . . .

Pour Your Heart Out.  I've done this more than a few times thanks to Shell's encouragement.  I've written about things that are important to me.  Things that I wish I could do.  Things I wish I could change.  The kind of parent I want to be.  And they've all been from the heart.   But this one I've been wanting to write for many months, and I've never had the courage.  Or the strength.  Or whatever it is that makes people REALLY Pour Their Heart Out.  So here goes.

Most days, I just want to be someone else.  I want to be tall and thin.  I want to be able to wear a Size 6.  I want to shop from the "normal" section of clothes.  I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.  Or walk around Disney World without feeling like I'm going to die.  I want to be the person that turns people's heads when I walk in the room; not because I'm fat, but because I look "gorgeous". 

But that doesn't happen.  And it never will.  Because I'm NOT a Size 6.  And I never WILL be a Size 6.  Hell, I'd settle for a 10 or 12.  But again, I'm not.  So instead, I'm the person that turns people's heads because they can't believe someone could be so fat.  And not care.  I think that's it.  I think people think that fat people don't care that they're fat.  Well guess what?  That's not true.  It's SOOO not true.  I would give ANYTHING to be thinner.  I WANT to be thinner.  But I'm not.  I want to LOSE weight instead of gaining it just by looking at a Reese Cup.  But that doesn't happen.  I've always been overweight.  I don't remember a time when I wasn't.  And THAT'S depressing.  I have no energy.  I'm lazy.  I have no self-esteem.  And I think I DO have some depression because of my weight. 

But I don't know how to change it.  I mean, I KNOW how to change it.  But I need to lose A LOT of weight.  Like a WHOLE person.  Do you KNOW how daunting that is?  I could walk or do the elliptical and watch what I eat, and still, it would probably take me 5-10 years to look "normal."  And I'm 41, almost 42.  That means, if I start working hard now, I won't look "normal" until I'm 50.  FIFTY!!  So why bother?  I start exercise and diet programs, and they last for like 5 or 6 weeks, in which time I'm lucky if I've lost 5 pounds.  So I give up.  I walk and watch what I eat, and it doesn't do me any good, so why continue?  Don't laugh or judge me, but I've even tried diet pills and hypnosis.  But none of it works.  So why bother?

Why?  Because I NEED to be healthier.  I NEED to set a good example for my kids.  I don't want my kids to be overweight.  I don't want them to have the issues I've had all my life.  I don't want them to be judged as a bad person because of how they look.  I don't want them to think people are always staring at them because they're fat.  That's not fair to them.  They're AMAZING people, and other people need to know that. 

And maybe that's part of my problem too.  *I* think I'm a good person.  I care about people; I TRY not to be judgmental; I'm friendly; easy to talk to; a good listener; I typically give pretty good advice; I'm a good friend.  But I don't think people take the opportunity to see those things in me, because they can't see past the outside.  All they see is how I look.  They don't take the time to get to know ME. 

And I DON'T want that for my kids.  They DESERVE better.  Hell, *I* deserve better. But I don't know how to change it.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to change my mindset so that I'll start exercising every day.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.  But I wish I did.  I don't WANT to be fat.  And anyone that thinks I do, is SO wrong.  

Don't you think I'd like to be able to wear a swimsuit at the pool or the lake and not feel like I need to have my cover up on whenever I'm out of the water?  Or that I need to have a swimsuit that is shorts or a skirt so that it hides the top of my legs?  Don't you think I'd like to go out with my friends and not be the biggest person in the group?  Or feel comfortable enough that I could dress "sexy" (for a 40 year old anyway), when I go out with my husband?  Don't you think I WANT those things?

I'm SO tired of being FAT.  I'm tired of being tired all the time.  I'm tired of everyone staring at me.  I'm tired of people judging me as a bad person because of my looks.  I'm tired of thinking I embarrass my kids because they have a fat mom.  And I'm tired of hating myself every day because I don't have the strength to change it.  I'M JUST SO TIRED.

PYHO: What Kind Of Parent Are You?

 Anyone that knows me well, knows that I like the show "Glee".  

Go ahead and laugh at me, I'll wait.  

Are you finished?  Then I'll start.

The kids and I started watching it while we were living in China.  We actually had a Glee Marathon one week when they were out of school and Ryan was traveling.  We didn't have regular TV over there, but we COULD get whole Seasons on DVD.  Weird, huh?  Anyway, we walked across the street, bought Season 1, and spent 2 days watching nothing but Glee.  It was cold and rainy, so it's not like we could go outside anyway!  :)

I enjoyed it because we had amazing conversations. We talked about drugs and alcohol, sex, bullying, friendship and love.  I gained new insight into my kids, and I think they learned things about me they never knew before. 

One of my favorite characters is Burt Hummel.  For those of you that don't watch the show, he's a typical Redneck, 100% Man's Man, who has been a single father for years to an openly gay teenage boy.  And yes, he struggles with it, and he has issues with it, but through it all, he NEVER stops loving his child, and he never stops believing in him.  

I look at him, and I think, "THAT'S the kind of parent I want to be."  First let me start by saying that I have AMAZING parents.  But honestly, my brother and I are pretty boring.  And that's okay.  I HOPE my kids are boring!  But with 3 of them, chances are pretty high that at least one of them is going to present us with a situation that we're uncomfortable with and isn't what we had planned for our kids.  Now whether that's being gay, not going to college, wanting to drop out of high school, drinking underage, or WHATEVER the challenge may be, I hope I can be the kind of parent that Burt Hummel is.  I HOPE I can be someone my kids will always love and respect.  

I hope I can be someone they can always turn to when they need something.  I hope I can be the parent that will always stand by them, even when I don't agree with the choices they are making.  I hope I can be the parent that will be there during the hard times, so that I'll be able to celebrate with them during the good times.  I HOPE I'm that parent.  I WANT to be that parent. 

But I know it's not going to be easy.  I know I'm going to let them down.  I know I'm going to disappoint them.  I know I'm going to say things to them that I shouldn't say.  But I hope I don't.  I hope I'm supportive, loving, caring, and their biggest cheerleader.  I HOPE I'm THAT kind of parent.  Because my children are AMAZING.  And they DESERVE. THAT. KIND of parent.

Lake House

It looks like we're going to lose the lake house after all.  I told you about the issue with the survey and the other owners not wanting to work with us.  Well, now it looks like it's completely out of our hands.  According to the lawyer at the title company, HUD will send it back to the lender because they can't sell a property with an encumbered title.  According to her, the lender can then probably take the other lot back since it shouldn't have been sold anyway, and the people that bought the lot are basically out of luck.  So because they didn't want to cooperate with us, they will probably lose the whole lot, and they won't even get any money for it.  At least if they had TRIED to work with us, they would have gotten something for the lot.   I feel sorry for the owners of that lot, but I also feel like they brought it on themselves by trying to rake us over the coals. 

So now, in the end, everyone, including us, is getting screwed.  What a pain in the butt!