Thursday, February 10, 2011

YESTERDAY'S POST . . .

I've been thinking a lot about what I wrote yesterday.  Of all the things I've written in the past year and a half, that one hit home for me the most.  I think because I didn't worry about what other people would think about it.  Or worry that someone that knows me would read it and see a side of me that they hadn't seen before.  Or worry that I was saying something that would upset other people.  I just wrote what was in my heart.  I wrote my true feelings.  And I wrote about something that I've been thinking about for a long time.  NOT just since November, when I first read Cops Wife's post.  It's something that I've struggled with for a very long time.  And reading that post from Cops Wife made me realize how important that subject is to me. 

You see, I've pretty much been in the "outcrowd" my whole life.  I'm not skinny, or pretty or popular or smart or an athlete.  I'm just me.  And I've spent my whole life worrying about what other people think of me, and wanting to please everyone because I want them to like me.  But guess what?  That doesn't always work.  I've tried SO hard with some people, people that SHOULD like me, or at least PRETEND to like me, but they don't.  And I don't know why.  I've tried figuring it out.  I've tried analyzing everything I've said and done around them, and I honestly don't know what it is that they don't like about me.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone likes me.  Because that's pretty much far from the truth.  But for the most part, I can get along with just about anybody.  (Except maybe my hubby and my kids on any given day! ;) )  

BUT, I can pretty much get along with most people because I don't make waves.  I don't instigate.  I don't talk politics or religion.  I don't always tell my true feelings.  And I'm okay with that.  I have a few select friends that I can be honest with.  And I know they will love me, for ME.  I don't have a lot of "friends".  I never have.  And that used to bother me.  I'd look around and see these people that have hundreds of friends, and I'd think, why can't I be like that?  Why can't I be someone that everyone "flocks" to?  But then I realized, they don't really have "friends."  They have acquaintances.  I have a lot of those too.   That doesn't make them anymore special than me just because they have more acquaintances than I do. 

Yeah, I may only have a few friends, but I know those friends will be there for me when I need them.  I know they love me for the person that I am.  I'm never going to look like Sandra Bullock.  It's not going to happen.  I look more like Roseanne Barr.  But they've chosen to look past my "looks" to see the person that I am inside.  And while I may not be the greatest person in the world, far from it, there are a lot of people I've met in my life that never got the opportunity to know ME, because they couldn't get past the outside.  They couldn't get past the fact that I'm not good at sports, or a brain, or pretty, or skinny.
 
THAT'S why Cops Wife's post was so important to me.  Because even as adults, ABC were still acting like children.  But you know what?  They're not the only ones.  People do it all the time.  ADULTS do it all the time.  How can we teach our kids to be more accepting of people, when they look at us and see that we aren't doing the same thing?  How can we expect them to be better people?  They're just following our example.  I TRY to teach my kids not to judge people.  Their Mom is fat.  Guess what?  It's a fact of life.  Do I WISH I wasn't?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  IS THE POPE CATHOLIC?  Of course I wish I wasn't.  But I am.  I have been for as long as I can remember.  But guess what?  They still love me.  And I think because they love me, they are more accepting of people that are overweight.  They have 2 cousins that are handicapped.  Jason is almost 12.  Do you know less than 1 year ago he said, "____ is handicapped?"  It never even registered with him.  Because he's been around him his whole life.  He just knows him as his cousin.  I WANT my kids to be a little naive.  I want them to be accepting of people that aren't like them.  I want them to embrace the differences in people.  I want them to look inside of someone before they decide whether or not they want to be friends with them.  

Yeah, I'm not the best parent in the world.  But I do my best to teach my kids to accept other people.  I do my best to teach them that everyone is different.  And I do my best to teach them that there's more to a person than just what you see on the outside.  And I hope and pray, that by teaching them these things, that they WON'T become the bullies on the playground. 

26 comments:

Shell said...

You are setting such a fabulous example for your kids.

I spent way too much time of my younger years worrying about not fitting in. The ironic thing is when I stopped caring and got a this is who I am if you don't like it, oh well attitude that I actually made more friends. Go figure.

Amy said...

Actually, the person that matters most if you like them is - you! So long as you're happy with yourself and you have at least one good friend and family, life is good.

I don't have a lot of "friends". But I do have a few good ones that will be there for me whenever I need them and sometimes with a good hard dose of reality even when I don't want them.

Good post

Stephanie Faris said...

I think part of growing up in life is finding that balance between being liked by others and standing up for ourselves and what we believe in. It's not an easy thing but the older we get, the older it seems to become.

mjaggers said...

I love your blog Michelle...I love you...you're awesome!!!

Katertot said...

***applauds***

Stacy Lynn said...

Came over to have a peek at your blog after all your nice comments over at mine. :)

This was a great post. You expressed very well what a lot of us feel, I think. Becoming comfortable in our own skin takes time...longer for some of us than others.

My kids (24 and 18) were more apt to be bullied than do any bullying when they were younger. What I don't like is they are very likely these days to make snide comments behind someone's back. That's the influence of their peers at work. I can't believe the things I hear teenagers saying about eachother when I'm driving the bus.

MamaRobinJ said...

Great post, and I love that you're posting from your heart on this topic.

Thanks for linking up with me for Fledgling Friday.

Mom of the Twinkies and Tot! said...

What a great way to live by and I think a lot of us, as we get older, realize the important things in life over what we thought were important as a youngster. Stopping by from the @SITS #CommentHour!

Rose's Daughter said...

Great Post!!!

Karen Tapahe said...

I think there are more of us who feel like you do than you could imagine. Glad you're getting a good perspective on it.

My Household Junk said...

You said what is on my mind constantly. I was never part of the in-crowd either. I am glad I wasn't. Great post.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

This post really points out what is important.

Heather said...

I'd rather have one true friend that 20 acquaintances who I think are friends!

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

I confess I still waste time worrying if people like me. If I am too loud, if I talk too much, if I get too personal. I also worry too much about how I look, how people see me. My daughter is 15 months old and I so do not want her growing up like this. You are so right, it's leading by example.

Like you, I have a few friends, but not a group, and not a lot. I can see the value in that, especially after reading this post.

Stopping by from SITS! Sorry I'm late.

Savannah said...

stopping in from comment cocktail hour!!! congrats!!

The Reason You Come said...

I guess sometimes the person who finds it hardest to accept oneself is oneself. Don't be too hard on yourself. (I know that's easier said than done, though.) Good luck and congrats on writing such a great post! Here from Comment Hour.

Jamee said...

This is a great post and you are setting a wonderful example for your kids! Stopping by from SITS!

Caren with a "C" said...

Good thoughts! Just be you. That is a great thing to teach a child, although hard to understand at a young age when friends are so important.

TRR said...

Kids can be cruel at times, but they are also the most accepting of us all.

Sara said...

It is amazing what parents teach their kids without even trying sometimes. My best example is I don't remember my parents ever sitting me down and explaining that people with disabilities/people who are gay/ people who are a different race or religion are my equal. I have NO memory of that. And yet ... that's how I was raised. I think wanting to impart these good ideas and being conscious that your actions can be picked up by your kids is the most important part.

Making It Work Mom said...

I think it is always so sad when a child loses that ability to be totally accepting of everyone. It is losing that piece of innocence.
I also don't have that metropolis of friends. It used to bother me, but now I realize that my little group of close friends could totally beat their metropolis anyday!!

Patrice said...

Good for you for letting it all go! I know how hard that can be, so way to go!! Great post!

Toqua's Crafts said...

I have ALWAYS been able to count the number of friends I have on one hand. The advantage to that is that you REALLY get to know these people... and they REALLY get to know you as well.

Keep posting from your heart. That's the way to go! :)

Visiting from the SITS Tweet Party #CommentHour!

Blessings,
Toqua
http://ToquasCrafts.blogspot.com

shelley said...

I am standing up and cheering for you! You have NO idea how much your words mean! I am a special needs mom and a mom of another daughter who is almost 23 and a beautiful girl who was bullied for most of her teen years because if it.. i know you must be wondering beauty=bullying ohhh man you just can not believe how girls can be mean beause they are just jealous! and we also have the child in the wheelchair and people just staring and NOT getting that either... don't ever cut yourself down because maybe you have a few pounds to loose... inner beauty into the heart stems from much more then lack of calories it stems from so much more then that and i applaud you for teaching your children that, they will grow up to be wonderful adults! stopping by from the #commenthour last night... my little fingers don't type that fast. lol
*waving,
shelley

Lanita said...

It seems to me you are doing a damn fine job of teaching your children the most important life lesson...on so many different levels. Acceptance, love, importance of family and good friends.

Brava!

Mich said...

You guys rock! Thanks for the wonderful comments. Many of you made me cry. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being TOO honest and personal about things. Thanks for the fantastic support.