PYHO: Sensitive Child Part 2:

Thanks for the heartfelt and honest opinions from everyone that responded to my last post about Andrew.  If you didn't see it the first time, you can read it HERE.

After many months of worrying about him and trying to decide what to do, I finally went to talk to the AP at school today.  I like her.  I feel comfortable talking to her.  And I trust her to do what she thinks is right for Andrew.  I told her about my concerns and that I feel as though I'm not helping him.  I have a Psychology Degree.  I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP HIM.  But I can't.  And I think it's because I'm too close to the situation.  I think it's because he's MY son and I can't be objective.  I think it's because I'm too worried about changing the person that he is inside, and I DON'T want to do that.  I LOVE the person that he is.  I ADORE him.  But it also breaks my heart to see him so concerned about what other people think of him.  It breaks my heart to hear him talk about how everyone is so much better, smarter, athletic, funnier, than him.  It makes me cry every time I think about him not seeing the good things in himself and realizing what an amazing person he is.  It keeps me up at night when he's going through his stage of worrying about someone dying, which happens about every 5-6 weeks.  I don't want to CHANGE who he is, but I also can't stand to keep seeing him in so much pain.  So SOMETHING has to change.  SOMEONE has to be able to help him.  And it's obviously not me.  And that tears me up more than you'll ever know.  

So I finally went to someone else for help.  Something I probably should have done months ago.  But I guess better late than never, right?!  She understand where I'm coming from.  She agrees that we don't want to change who he is, but we need to address what's causing all of the negativity.  I know he's not telling me everything.  I know there's more going on than I know.  But I don't know WHAT that is.  So she is going to talk to the counselors at school, the school psychologist, and also his teacher, to see if we can come up with a plan to help him.  To see if we can find a way to boost his self esteem.  To make him realize what an incredible little boy he is.  And at the same time, NOT change who he is deep inside.  

Because THAT person?  That person is AMAZING.  And THAT person deserves to KNOW that he's amazing.  And that person, needs to feel pride in who he is.  No matter what happens, I know he will always be compassionate and caring, and that's only part of what makes him so special.  But THAT person, needs to have pride in himself.  THAT PERSON needs to love himself.  And right now, I don't think he does.  Even though he's only 10.  And that makes me feel like somewhere, I'VE done something wrong.  So now it's time to change that.  Now it's time to stop worrying about what I've done wrong, and start working on what's the best way to help him.  Because he DESERVES to be happy.  He deserves to love himself and see all of the amazing things that *I* see in him.  He deserves not to question everything he does and says.  He deserves to know that people love him, and that the only one comparing him to others, is him.  He DESERVES that.  And not just because he's my child.  But because EVERY CHILD deserves to feel that way.  ESPECIALLY MY CHILD.  ;)

PYHO: Can A Boy Be TOO Sensitive?

I have an AMAZING little boy.  I actually have 2 boys and 1 girl, and they're all great.  And I love them dearly.  But Andrew, my 10 year old, is a little different.  He's very sensitive.  About EVERYTHING.  My husband and I "clash" sometimes because he thinks he's TOO sensitive.  He says he needs to "man" up and get some back bone.  I think there's no such thing as TOO sensitive.  I think he's only 10, and he'll grow up fast enough, so there's nothing wrong with him being sensitive at this age.  I WANT him to stay sensitive.  I think he'll make a great boyfriend/husband one day BECAUSE of his sensitivity.  (Mind you, I'm thinking MANY, MANY YEARS from now.  He is only 10 after all). ;)

But I still worry about him.  What if hubby is right?  What if he IS too sensitive?  He has VERY little self-esteem.  He's constantly worrying about what other people think of him.  He gets his feelings hurt VERY easily.  Sometimes I feel like I have to censor what I say to him because I don't know how he's going to take it, and I don't want to upset him.  So in that respect, maybe he IS too sensitive.  But that's his nature.  It's his personality.  It's a part of who he is, and I don't want to change who he is, because he is SO special.  But I still worry.  He's the one I think will get bullied.  He HAS been bullied on the bus, and I had to go to the school counselor to help handle the situation.  And he did.  But he can't always be there for him.  Next year, he moves on to middle school.  Next year kids are going to be even meaner.  And crueler.  And looking for someone they can pick on.  And he's an easy target because he wears his heart on his sleeve.  If you say something to upset him, you can see it on his face immediately.  And bullies will jump on that.  I've tried telling him to act like it doesn't bother him, but he's not very good at it.  And who can blame him?  I'm not good at it either and I'm 42.  How can I expect HIM to be good at it when he's only 10?  

You see, I GET my son.  I KNOW what he's thinking and how he's feeling, because I've BEEN there.  I was just like him.  Hell, I'm STILL just like him.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I get my feelings hurt VERY easily.  I shut down when I'm hurt or upset.  I second guess everything I do and say to other people.  I analyze the things people say to me and wonder what they REALLY meant.  I assume people are talking about me.  And don't like me.  I assume people would rather be with anyone BUT me.  So yeah, I GET him.  I KNOW where he's coming from.  

But I still wonder - is there such a thing as TOO sensitive?  Is it different for a boy?  And if so, how do you change that?  How do you help them get a thicker skin?  What would you do if it was YOUR kid?  I really need to know.  Because I DON'T know what to do.  And I HATE seeing my "baby" doubt himself and be in pain all of the time.  So how do I help him?  CAN I help him?

My Special Little Boy

 

Sending My Baby Off To Kindergarten . . .

My baby girl started Kindergarten last week.  And she did GREAT!  She couldn't WAIT to get on the bus.  Me, I had a little harder time.  :(  She's my last child.  The only girl.  The last one to start school.  I've had a child with me for 13 years.  So yeah, her starting was hard.  But I'm REALLY glad she did.  She is LOVING it.  She's been around Tully her whole life, so for her to finally be able to go to school there is a lot of fun for her.  I just hope she has a great year.  I think she will.  She has an AMAZING teacher.  

But I still can't believe my baby girl is starting Kindergarten.  I can't believe Jason is in 8th grade.  Man, do I feel old!  After this year I'll have Jason in High School, Andrew in Middle School, and Sarah Beth in Elementary School.  I guess I'll lose whatever sanity I have left! 

So now we're in school mode.  Let's hope we have a great year.  For all of us!

Ryan's Grandpa . . .

Ryan's grandpa, Jack, is an AMAZING man.  I love him dearly.  From the very beginning, he's never made feel like anything less than part of the family.  He's one person who always made me feel welcome in the family.  He's almost 86.  And unfortunately he's not doing very well.  And that breaks my heart beyond belief.  He lost his best friend about 4 or 5 months ago, and I think that really did him in.  He's been different ever since.  He's lost a lot in the last few years, his wife, 2 children, and now his best friend.  I think that's more than anyone can take in a lifetime. 

July 5th he fell down his basement stairs and dislocated his shoulder and cut his eye.  Ever since then he's just not doing well.  It seems like every time we see him he looks worse.  I think he has some major depression settling in.  And I think he's just tired.  Tired of being by himself.  Tired of losing the people he loves.  Tired of not being able to take care of himself.  I think he's just plain tired.   And I don't know how we help him.  We were going up to see him every weekend, he lives about 2 hours away, but honestly, I think all of us being there, there are FIVE of us after all, just wore him out more.  So last weekend Ryan went by himself.  And this weekend we're not going at all.  His daughter and granddaughter are both going to be there this weekend.  But I still feel guilty.  I feel like we should go up there to see him more often, but with 3 kids, Ryan's work schedule, and my work schedule, it's just not easy.  

But I hope he knows how much we love him and how much he means to us, even if we're not there all of the time.  I THINK he does.  But you never know. 

I never knew either one of my Grandfather's, so he's the only Grandfather I've ever had.  And he is an AMAZING man.  I honestly don't think I could love him anymore if he WAS my real grandfather.  I ADORE him.  I love talking to him.  I love spending time with him.  I love hearing his stories of the past.  I just love him.  EVERYTHING about him.  And the thought that we might be losing him soon breaks my heart more than I can even explain.

 Grandpa, Ryan, Jason, Andrew and Sarah Beth the weekend before we moved to China.

PYHO: Chick Fil-A . . .

This whole Chick Fil-A thing has really been bothering me.  I've been thinking about posting something about it, but I know both sides of the argument are REALLY hyped up and I didn't want to start any wars.  But the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. 

I'm married with 3 children and I can honestly say I've never been attracted to another woman.  I'm just NOT.  But I don't necessarily think it's WRONG, it just doesn't apply to me.  The same way some people go to church every day.  I don't do that.  Others exercise every day.  I OBVIOUSLY don't do that, although I definitely SHOULD.  Some people choose to homeschool their children, again, not for me.  Do I think it's "wrong"?  No.  Can I give you reasons why *I* wouldn't do it?  Absolutely.  And yet, there are hundreds of thousands of people homeschooling their children.  I was raised Catholic.  I have friends that are Lutheran, Baptist, even some that are agnostic.  But that doesn't make me love them any less.  Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but it's just that, THEIR BELIEFS!  As long as you don't try to MAKE me agree with you, then I'm fine with it.  I know a lot of people are quoting the Bible and saying it's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.  (BTW, that cracks me up every time I hear it).  But ask yourself this question:  How long ago was it that people were quoting the same Bible to justify slavery?  And unequal rights for women? Unfortunately, it wasn't that long ago.  Can you imagine where we'd be today if that was still going on? 

When you are in a position of power or in the public eye, don't be surprised about people getting pissed off at you when you make a statement about something that people are so passionate about.  No matter what your position is, you're not going to have 100% agreement from the rest of the world.  So you need to be prepared for that if you want to make a stand.  And don't play "victim" when people start going off on you.  If that's how you feel, fine.  Stand up for yourself.  But then don't expect a pity party from the backlash.  At least not one from me.

Another thing:  The people that are using religion as justification for it to be "wrong", really irritate me, and here's why.  Don't go around preaching about how good and how great God is, and then say that He doesn't love someone because of their beliefs.  Do you NOT see a problem with this?  Because *I* do.  A MAJOR PROBLEM.  If you want to talk about God and Jesus, consider Jesus for a moment.  He never turned ANYONE down.  He was a friend to sinners, (and let's face it, we're ALL sinners), lepers, even those that betrayed Him, i.e. Judas and Peter - He never stopped loving them, and He even forgave them.  So why wouldn't God/Jesus do the same for Gays?  Do you really think He'd accept someone that BETRAYED Him, but NOT accept someone just because they're gay?  Seriously.  I don't see that happening.  And I have a hard time with "Christians" condemning anyone just because they are gay, or black, or a different religion.  Doesn't sound very CHRISTIAN to me.  

Last thing:  I have 3 children.  Do I think any of them are gay or will "become" gay?  Now, no.  Maybe?  Who knows?  But do you think if they did/were that I would love them any less?  They're my CHILDREN!  I will love them NO MATTER WHAT.  And aren't WE GOD'S children?  God loves UNCONDITIONALLY.  He loves more than we do.  He accepts more than we do.  He forgives more than we do.  Aren't we supposed to "model" ourselves after Him?  If YOUR God preaches hate, unforgiveness, and judgement, then I'm sorry, but we must not believe in the same God.  Because MY God doesn't.  MY God preaches love, forgiveness, and acceptance.  And personally, I like MY God better.