Leigh over at Leigh vs. Laundry has something that she calls Freakshow Friday. On Fridays she posts an outrageous looking picture, and you're supposed to come up with the best "tagline" for it. Well lucky me, I won last week's Freakshow Friday. So that means I'm the Funniest Blogger In All The Land.
At least until next week!
(Click the button above to see the picture and my winning answer).
Andrew's school has a Parent/Child Dance for the 4th and 5th graders. They actually started it the year we were in China, so I never got to go with Jason. Since this is Andrew's 4th grade year, this was our first time going.
We went out to dinner with 8 other Mother/Son's beforehand, and then we went to the dance. Dinner was a NIGHTMARE. We went to Longhorn Steakhouse. We tried calling to make reservations but they wouldn't take them. That should have been our first sign to switch restaurants. We did call ahead seating, and when we got there we told them there was a party of 18 and they told us THREE TIMES they would give us 2 servers. We never received another server. Our server was good, but she was overwhelmed. She should have had someone helping her. Our Dance started at 7, but because of the dinner issues, we didn't arrive there until 8.
BUT, we had a good time. Andrew had a BALL! I even got him to dance a few dances with me!
Me and My Baby!
I Love My Boy!
Andrew and His Friends Dancing
Gettin' Down!
Sam, Andrew and Mitchell
Dancing Fools!
This Is Preston. She Is The Daughter of My Best Friend Laura.
Pour Your Heart Out. I've done this more than a few times thanks to Shell's encouragement. I've written about things that are important to me. Things that I wish I could do. Things I wish I could change. The kind of parent I want to be. And they've all been from the heart. But this one I've been wanting to write for many months, and I've never had the courage. Or the strength. Or whatever it is that makes people REALLY Pour Their Heart Out. So here goes.
Most days, I just want to be someone else. I want to be tall and thin. I want to be able to wear a Size 6. I want to shop from the "normal" section of clothes. I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath. Or walk around Disney World without feeling like I'm going to die. I want to be the person that turns people's heads when I walk in the room; not because I'm fat, but because I look "gorgeous".
But that doesn't happen. And it never will. Because I'm NOT a Size 6. And I never WILL be a Size 6. Hell, I'd settle for a 10 or 12. But again, I'm not. So instead, I'm the person that turns people's heads because they can't believe someone could be so fat. And not care. I think that's it. I think people think that fat people don't care that they're fat. Well guess what? That's not true. It's SOOO not true. I would give ANYTHING to be thinner. I WANT to be thinner. But I'm not. I want to LOSE weight instead of gaining it just by looking at a Reese Cup. But that doesn't happen. I've always been overweight. I don't remember a time when I wasn't. And THAT'S depressing. I have no energy. I'm lazy. I have no self-esteem. And I think I DO have some depression because of my weight.
But I don't know how to change it. I mean, I KNOW how to change it. But I need to lose A LOT of weight. Like a WHOLE person. Do you KNOW how daunting that is? I could walk or do the elliptical and watch what I eat, and still, it would probably take me 5-10 years to look "normal." And I'm 41, almost 42. That means, if I start working hard now, I won't look "normal" until I'm 50. FIFTY!! So why bother? I start exercise and diet programs, and they last for like 5 or 6 weeks, in which time I'm lucky if I've lost 5 pounds. So I give up. I walk and watch what I eat, and it doesn't do me any good, so why continue? Don't laugh or judge me, but I've even tried diet pills and hypnosis. But none of it works. So why bother?
Why? Because I NEED to be healthier. I NEED to set a good example for my kids. I don't want my kids to be overweight. I don't want them to have the issues I've had all my life. I don't want them to be judged as a bad person because of how they look. I don't want them to think people are always staring at them because they're fat. That's not fair to them. They're AMAZING people, and other people need to know that.
And maybe that's part of my problem too. *I* think I'm a good person. I care about people; I TRY not to be judgmental; I'm friendly; easy to talk to; a good listener; I typically give pretty good advice; I'm a good friend. But I don't think people take the opportunity to see those things in me, because they can't see past the outside. All they see is how I look. They don't take the time to get to know ME.
And I DON'T want that for my kids. They DESERVE better. Hell, *I* deserve better. But I don't know how to change it. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change my mindset so that I'll start exercising every day. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. But I wish I did. I don't WANT to be fat. And anyone that thinks I do, is SO wrong.
Don't you think I'd like to be able to wear a swimsuit at the pool or the lake and not feel like I need to have my cover up on whenever I'm out of the water? Or that I need to have a swimsuit that is shorts or a skirt so that it hides the top of my legs? Don't you think I'd like to go out with my friends and not be the biggest person in the group? Or feel comfortable enough that I could dress "sexy" (for a 40 year old anyway), when I go out with my husband? Don't you think I WANT those things?
I'm SO tired of being FAT. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of everyone staring at me. I'm tired of people judging me as a bad person because of my looks. I'm tired of thinking I embarrass my kids because they have a fat mom. And I'm tired of hating myself every day because I don't have the strength to change it. I'M JUST SO TIRED.
Anyone that knows me well, knows that I like the show "Glee".
Go ahead and laugh at me, I'll wait.
Are you finished? Then I'll start.
The kids and I started watching it while we were living in China. We actually had a Glee Marathon one week when they were out of school and Ryan was traveling. We didn't have regular TV over there, but we COULD get whole Seasons on DVD. Weird, huh? Anyway, we walked across the street, bought Season 1, and spent 2 days watching nothing but Glee. It was cold and rainy, so it's not like we could go outside anyway! :)
I enjoyed it because we had amazing conversations. We talked about drugs and alcohol, sex, bullying, friendship and love. I gained new insight into my kids, and I think they learned things about me they never knew before.
One of my favorite characters is Burt Hummel. For those of you that don't watch the show, he's a typical Redneck, 100% Man's Man, who has been a single father for years to an openly gay teenage boy. And yes, he struggles with it, and he has issues with it, but through it all, he NEVER stops loving his child, and he never stops believing in him.
I look at him, and I think, "THAT'S the kind of parent I want to be." First let me start by saying that I have AMAZING parents. But honestly, my brother and I are pretty boring. And that's okay. I HOPE my kids are boring! But with 3 of them, chances are pretty high that at least one of them is going to present us with a situation that we're uncomfortable with and isn't what we had planned for our kids. Now whether that's being gay, not going to college, wanting to drop out of high school, drinking underage, or WHATEVER the challenge may be, I hope I can be the kind of parent that Burt Hummel is. I HOPE I can be someone my kids will always love and respect.
I hope I can be someone they can always turn to when they need something. I hope I can be the parent that will always stand by them, even when I don't agree with the choices they are making. I hope I can be the parent that will be there during the hard times, so that I'll be able to celebrate with them during the good times. I HOPE I'm that parent. I WANT to be that parent.
But I know it's not going to be easy. I know I'm going to let them down. I know I'm going to disappoint them. I know I'm going to say things to them that I shouldn't say. But I hope I don't. I hope I'm supportive, loving, caring, and their biggest cheerleader. I HOPE I'm THAT kind of parent. Because my children are AMAZING. And they DESERVE. THAT. KIND of parent.
It looks like we're going to lose the lake house after all. I told you about the issue with the survey and the other owners not wanting to work with us. Well, now it looks like it's completely out of our hands. According to the lawyer at the title company, HUD will send it back to the lender because they can't sell a property with an encumbered title. According to her, the lender can then probably take the other lot back since it shouldn't have been sold anyway, and the people that bought the lot are basically out of luck. So because they didn't want to cooperate with us, they will probably lose the whole lot, and they won't even get any money for it. At least if they had TRIED to work with us, they would have gotten something for the lot. I feel sorry for the owners of that lot, but I also feel like they brought it on themselves by trying to rake us over the coals.
So now, in the end, everyone, including us, is getting screwed. What a pain in the butt!
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