HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU VERY MUCH . . .

Today is my Grandma's birthday.  In case you're new and want to know about her, you can read about her HERE..  I wrote that last year on her birthday.

I can't believe it's been almost 13 years since she left us.  I still think about her almost every day.  My grandma was an AMAZING person.  Some of my best memories are of times spent with her.  She always made me smile.  She always made me feel special and loved.  I used to write about her a lot when I was in high school and college.  (One day I'm going to pull out some of those pieces and post them on here just so I'll have a record of them).  

I loved her so much, and I know she loved me.  I NEVER doubted that.  I may have doubted a lot of things in my life, but her love for me was never one of those things.  She had a quiet and gentle way of letting you know you were loved.  She was never critical or harsh in any way.  My mom tells me I'm a lot like her, and that's the best compliment I've ever received.  

My grandma was an AMAZING person, and I can only hope to one day be the kind of person she was.  She taught me so many things.  She taught me to love and respect people for who they are.  She taught me that it's okay to tell a "little white lie" if it makes someone feel better.  She taught me that family is so important and sometimes we have to make concessions for them.  She taught me that just because someone isn't perfect or isn't what we want them to be, that doesn't make them any less special.  She taught me how to be the kind of person my kids and future grand kids can hopefully be proud of one day.  She taught me to love unconditionally.

They truly broke the mold when they made her, and I know there will never be another one like her.  And that's okay.  Because she was SO special, and that kind of specialness only comes around once.  I'm just so glad, and feel so privileged to have had her in my life.  I know I'm special because of her.  I know my life is different because of her.  I know I was lucky to have had her in my life.  I know I'm a good person, because she told me so.  And I know that she will always be my guardian angel and my special butterfly.

Thank you Grandma for loving me, for me.  Thanks for not expecting me to change.  Thanks for letting me know that I'm special.  I will ALWAYS love you, and I will NEVER forget you.

BUTTERFLIES . . .

I have seen SO many butterflies in the last 2 weeks. I'm not sure where they're all coming from, but I love seeing them. Every time I see one, it reminds me of my Grandma. She loved butterflies. I remember the priest talking about it at her funeral. Ever since she's been gone, I've "collected" butterfly things. It makes me feel closer to her.

I can't believe it's been almost 12 years since she's been gone. I've been thinking a lot about her lately, I guess because of all the butterflies I've been seeing. I always feel like it's her way of telling me that she's still looking out for me, even though she's not "here". I guess that sounds silly, but it makes me feel better, so it works for me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA . . .

Today is my Grandma's birthday. At least it would be if she was still with us. It's hard to believe she's been gone for almost 12 years.

From the time I was very little, she's always been my hero. And she always WILL be my hero. I have so many great memories of spending time with her. My cousin, Cyndi, and I would go to her place together and spend the night. Sometimes I wonder how she put up with us. I remember sitting on the back of her couch, Cyndi on one side and me on the other, and we would "style" her hair. Poor thing! The year we went to Cheerleading Camp, we came home and performed all of our cheers for her.

Some of my best memories are of times spent with her. She made the BEST fried chicken. And I've never tasted anything like it since. And she LOVED White Castle and Kit Kat's. I remember when she was in the nursing home before she died. Every time I would go to visit I would take her 2 White Castles. She'd always say she wasn't hungry and she'd eat them later, but she always finished them before I left!

She started getting sick before our wedding, so she wasn't able to make it to the wedding. But she was staying with Mom and Dad at the time so she got to see me in my wedding dress. Of course, she couldn't see much because her eyesight was failing. But she looked at me and said, "You look so beautiful!" She always said that. No matter what I was wearing or what I looked like. And to her, I always was. I've never been a super model, obviously, and I've never been the Valedictorian, but she always thought I was smart and beautiful. And she actually BELIEVED that! I think she must have worn rose colored glasses her whole life. But I NEVER felt like I wasn't good enough for her. I ALWAYS knew she was proud of me. I can honestly say I NEVER doubted that.

A few years before she died, we decided as a family, all of her kids and grand kids, that the perfect song for her was "Wind Beneath My Wings." (We even sang it for her on Karaoke. I'm sure there's a copy of it floating around somewhere. If anyone has it, I would LOVE to copy it). And it IS the perfect song for her. I still can't hear that song without thinking of her. It will ALWAYS be her song. "I would be nothing without you. Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be." I SWEAR those lines were written just for her.

I remember at her funeral, the priest was talking about what a great person she was. He said that she had 13 grandchildren, and all of them felt like she was their favorite. Then we all went around the room and said that WE were the favorite. (But actually it was ME)!! ;-) He also talked about her love for butterflies. So for those of you that know me well, NOW you know why I always collect butterfly objects. It makes me feel like she's still with me.

I'm SOOOO lucky to have had her in my life. I know she's watching down on me from Heaven. Believe me, if anyone is in Heaven, it's her.

I told you before that Jason was named after her. It breaks my heart that she never got to meet my kids. I know she would have loved them, and I KNOW they would have loved her. There was always so much joy and love in her eyes every time she looked at me. And it was real. You can't fake that. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I'm so glad I got her. I never felt like I wasn't good enough. I never felt like I should be prettier, or smarter, or funnier. She loved ME for ME. Flaws and all. And believe me, there are lots of them!

I see so much of her in my kids. Jason has her sensitivity. She was always so aware of how people felt, and she never wanted to hurt anyone. Jason's like that. Plus, he's named after her, so she will be a part of him forever. She was never a very "demonstrative" person when it came to affection, but we always knew she loved us, and she always knew we loved her. Andrew gets that from her. He loves us, and he knows we love him, but he sure doesn't like to show it! And Sarah, well Sarah talks just like her. I mean ALL THE TIME!!!!

I LOVE you Grandma, and I miss you. Some days I miss you SOOOO much. I thank God EVERYDAY that He gave me you as my Grandma. Happy Birthday Grandma!