Wednesday, June 12, 2013

PYHO: Things I Wish I Could Change . . .

Are there things about yourself you wish you could change?  There are A LOT of things about myself I'd like to change.  I wish I was thinner.  I wish I was smarter.  I wish I had more self esteem.  I wish I was a better Mom.  A better wife.  Better daughter.  Sister.  Friend.  I wish I was more organized.  LESS scatterbrained.  Less ADD. 

But the fact is, I'm not.  I am what I am.  And I'm 42, almost 43 years old.  My guess is I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and be thinner, smarter, more organized, OR less scatterbrained.  It's just not going to happen.  Yeah, I can WORK on some of those things.  And I have been.  I've been trying to write things down and I mark them off my list as I get them completed.  I've been putting the really important things in my phone so that it will remind me to do them.  Then I just keep hitting snooze until it's done.  Sometimes, I hit the snooze button 20 or 30 times.  But I get them done.  USUALLY.  But every once in awhile, something slips through the cracks.  Sometimes the things that slip through aren't that important.  At least not to me.  But they're important to others.  The funny thing is, the LAST thing that slipped through the cracks?  Amounted to about 4 pieces of clothing.  FOUR pieces.  Not a big deal.  Only it was.  Nevermind all of the 100 things BEFOREHAND that DIDN'T slip through the cracks.  THIS one did.  And I HATE that it did, but there's nothing I can do about it now. 

I was talking to a friend of mine last week.  I was telling her that I think I've ALWAYS had ADD, it just seems like it's getting worse the older I get.  She pointed out that it's probably because I have A LOT more on my plate now.  I have a husband who works full-time, and part of that is spent traveling.  I have 3 kids that are currently in 2 different schools, soon to be 3.  I have FOUR part-time jobs.  That's right, I said FOUR.  Real Estate, which is my passion, and I LOVE it.  I've been doing it for 19 years.  I also sell 31 and Avon.  (I enjoy those, but I don't LOVE them.  So maybe that's where I look first if I want to give something up).  I've just recently started Substitute Teaching.  And I LOVE that.  If I could Sub at my kids' Elementary School all the time, I could see me doing it pretty much every day.  I started Subbing because I could work it around Ryan's travel schedule and the kids school schedule.  If the kids are out of school, there's no Subs needed.  And if he's traveling a lot, I can just call myself off so that I can be here to take care of the kids.  But when I DO work, I GET PAID.  It's not like Real Estate, which again, I LOVE, but sometimes I work A LOT before I get paid.  And if there are too many problems and it doesn't close?  Then I don't get paid.  So that's one of the things I like the most about Subbing.  Work.  Get paid.  And while we're trying to pay of the Home Equity Loan, every little bit of extra money helps.

But yeah, I have A LOT on my plate.  So is my ADD really getting worse as I'm getting older, or is it just that I have TOO much on my plate?  And if so, what do I give up?  Definitely not my hubby and my kids, and they're the BIGGEST part!  I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

So I guess I just keep treading along.  I keep trying to do better.  I keep writing things down.  I keep putting things in my phone.  And I hope nothing else slips through the cracks.  Because let's face it, like I said, I'm 42 years old.  I don't think I'm going to just wake up tomorrow and be "cured".  It's not going to happen.  Do I LIKE it?  NO.  But like I said, it's who I am.  And it's just one of the MANY things about myself that I wish I COULD change. 

What are the things about YOU, that you wish you could change?


Tracie Nall said...

I have the scatterbrained issue as well - with a heaping side of procrastination. It isn't pretty.

Making lists (and then actually doing them) is the only way I know how to keep everything straight.

It sounds like you really do have a lot going on. Hopefully you can find some balance. And then maybe pass on a little bit of it to me! ;-)

Shell said...

It does sound like you have a lot on your plate. I don't think anyone could focus. Maybe letting something go- or at least deciding on more of a schedule to help.