PYHO: Things I Wish I Could Change . . .

Are there things about yourself you wish you could change?  There are A LOT of things about myself I'd like to change.  I wish I was thinner.  I wish I was smarter.  I wish I had more self esteem.  I wish I was a better Mom.  A better wife.  Better daughter.  Sister.  Friend.  I wish I was more organized.  LESS scatterbrained.  Less ADD. 

But the fact is, I'm not.  I am what I am.  And I'm 42, almost 43 years old.  My guess is I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and be thinner, smarter, more organized, OR less scatterbrained.  It's just not going to happen.  Yeah, I can WORK on some of those things.  And I have been.  I've been trying to write things down and I mark them off my list as I get them completed.  I've been putting the really important things in my phone so that it will remind me to do them.  Then I just keep hitting snooze until it's done.  Sometimes, I hit the snooze button 20 or 30 times.  But I get them done.  USUALLY.  But every once in awhile, something slips through the cracks.  Sometimes the things that slip through aren't that important.  At least not to me.  But they're important to others.  The funny thing is, the LAST thing that slipped through the cracks?  Amounted to about 4 pieces of clothing.  FOUR pieces.  Not a big deal.  Only it was.  Nevermind all of the 100 things BEFOREHAND that DIDN'T slip through the cracks.  THIS one did.  And I HATE that it did, but there's nothing I can do about it now. 

I was talking to a friend of mine last week.  I was telling her that I think I've ALWAYS had ADD, it just seems like it's getting worse the older I get.  She pointed out that it's probably because I have A LOT more on my plate now.  I have a husband who works full-time, and part of that is spent traveling.  I have 3 kids that are currently in 2 different schools, soon to be 3.  I have FOUR part-time jobs.  That's right, I said FOUR.  Real Estate, which is my passion, and I LOVE it.  I've been doing it for 19 years.  I also sell 31 and Avon.  (I enjoy those, but I don't LOVE them.  So maybe that's where I look first if I want to give something up).  I've just recently started Substitute Teaching.  And I LOVE that.  If I could Sub at my kids' Elementary School all the time, I could see me doing it pretty much every day.  I started Subbing because I could work it around Ryan's travel schedule and the kids school schedule.  If the kids are out of school, there's no Subs needed.  And if he's traveling a lot, I can just call myself off so that I can be here to take care of the kids.  But when I DO work, I GET PAID.  It's not like Real Estate, which again, I LOVE, but sometimes I work A LOT before I get paid.  And if there are too many problems and it doesn't close?  Then I don't get paid.  So that's one of the things I like the most about Subbing.  Work.  Get paid.  And while we're trying to pay of the Home Equity Loan, every little bit of extra money helps.

But yeah, I have A LOT on my plate.  So is my ADD really getting worse as I'm getting older, or is it just that I have TOO much on my plate?  And if so, what do I give up?  Definitely not my hubby and my kids, and they're the BIGGEST part!  I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

So I guess I just keep treading along.  I keep trying to do better.  I keep writing things down.  I keep putting things in my phone.  And I hope nothing else slips through the cracks.  Because let's face it, like I said, I'm 42 years old.  I don't think I'm going to just wake up tomorrow and be "cured".  It's not going to happen.  Do I LIKE it?  NO.  But like I said, it's who I am.  And it's just one of the MANY things about myself that I wish I COULD change. 

What are the things about YOU, that you wish you could change?

Old School Blogging . . .

I found this thanks to Shell, who then sent me to Elaine and Jennifer. I liked the idea, so I thought I would join in.

A. Attached or Single? Attached.  Will celebrate 17 years of marriage in October.
B. Best Friend? My hubby.  I've told him things I've never told anyone else.  And never will.  After him, it's Laura, my best friend from high school, and Sandy my best friend from college.  Laura and I have been friends since we were 13.  She's Sarah Beth's Godmother.  And Sandy I have been friends since I was 19.  Not too many people can say they have friends from 20+ years ago.  I'm truly blessed.
C. Cake or pie? Pike's Peak Pie from Buckheads.  Chocolate and peanut butter ice cream, with chocolate and peanut crust, and chocolate and peanut butter drizzled over it.  YUM-MEE!
D. Day of choice? Any day spent at the lake.
E. Essential Item? My phone.  I am LOST without it.  I will actually go back home if I forget it. 
F. Favorite color? Aqua/Turquoise.
G. Gummy bears or worms? Bears.
H. Home town? Louisville, KY.  Born and raised.  And have NO intention of ever leaving again!  :)
I. Favorite Indulgence? Girls Night Out.
J. January or July?  Both, but for different reasons.  My baby boy was born in January, so it's a VERY special month to me.  But I HATE winter and cold weather, so the ONLY reason I like January is because of Andrew.  Otherwise, it would be July.  Hands Down!
K. Kids? Three beautiful children.  My boys are 14 and 11.  And my daughter is 5 1/2.
L. Life isn’t complete without?  My awesome hubby and kids.  My family and my friends.  They make life worth living for me. 
M. Marriage date? October 5, 1996.
N. Number of brothers/sisters? 1 AWESOME brother.  He's 1 year and 10 days younger than me.  And I love him with all my heart.  He's one of the best people I know!
O. Oranges or Apples? Oranges. Cuties especially.  I could eat 3 or 4 at a time.  YUM!
P. Phobias? Death of a loved one.
Q. Quotes?  "Life is not a dress rehearsal.  It is a one and only performance.  So you live life like you're gonna live.  Not like you're gonna die."  Heard it while in high school on an episode of  "Facts Of Life".
R. Reasons to smile? Hubby and kids.  Family.  Friends.  Days at the lake.
S. Season of choice? Fall.  LOVE the changing of the leaves.  Then Spring.  Then Summer.  Then Winter.  HATE Winter.  HATE cold weather.
T. Tag 5 People.  Anyone and everyone.
U. Unknown fact about me? Harrison Ford has been my favorite actor since I was about 10 years old. 
V. Vegetable? Green beans.
W. Worst habit? Procrastination. 
X. Xray or Ultrasound? Both.  Had ultrasounds while pregnant.  X-rays for my migraines.
Y. Your favorite food? Mexican.
Z. Zodiac sign? Leo

Not Very Consistent . . . .

I keep saying I'm going to try being more consistent, but it's not happening.  I always feel like I have to say something "important" or "life changing" when I'm writing.  But honestly, I just miss the writing.  I've been writing for as long as I can remember.  (You'd think I'd be better at it by now).  :)  It calms me.  It helps me clear my head.  It helps me figure things out.  It just HELPS me.  

So I'm going to try to stop worrying about 'solving all the world's problems', and just get back to doing what I like to do, which is write. 

A Young Tragedy . . .

So I talked about having a bad week.  Another thing that happened that week is that a young girl from Jason's school committed suicide. She got in a fight with her mom, after her mom told her no, and while her mom was picking up her brother from school, she got her stepfather's gun and shot herself.  Thirteen years old.  I didn't even know the girl, and neither did Jason, but I cried for days.  I guess because I'm a mom.  Because I have a 13 year old.  Because I have 2 other younger children.  Because the thought of losing a child, especially by her own hand, just makes absolutely no sense to me.  I can't even BEGIN to imagine the pain that mother must be going through.  So sad.  So heartbreaking.  So tragic.  

I was, however, VERY impressed with how the school handled the situation.  They opened the school the day after.  They had teachers there on Saturday trying to figure out how to handle the situation when the students came to school on Monday.  They had counselors from all over the District in the school for DAYS, so they could help the students with whatever they needed.  The teachers, staff, and Principal all went to the funeral home and funeral.  Yes, I was impressed with how they handled the situation.  

Unfortunately, it's not over yet.  I'm sure there will still be some issues related to her death.  I'm sure Graduation will be tough for everyone.  And I pray for the students, faculty and staff, as they continue to deal with this unbelievable tragedy. 

Saying Good Bye . . .

So this last week has been INSANE!  There has been SO much going on in one week, it actually feels like a YEAR!  But I figured I'd write about them one at a time.  Maybe it'll help me process it better.

For one thing, a family friend passed away.  He has actually been battling Alzheimer's for 8 years, but he lost his courageous battle last week.  (And I just teared up as I wrote that sentence).  To say he's a family friend, really does him a disservice.  He was FAMILY.  You know how you have some FRIENDS that you are closer to than FAMILY?  That's him. That's his family.  I honestly don't remember when they weren't in our lives.  We've been on NUMEROUS vacations together and spent a week every summer at the lake.  My parents, Lonnie (the friend that died) and Karen, and Tommy and Jennifer went out EVERY. SINGLE. SATURDAY. NIGHT, up until a few years ago.  They're close.  

He's been going downhill, so we knew it was coming.  And actually, he left a long time ago.  But it was still hard.  I still cried like a baby when I found out.  I cried at the visitation.  I cried at the funeral.  I'm crying now as I write this.  It's never easy to lose someone, but when it's someone that's tied to SO MANY of your childhood memories, it's even harder.  And I feel sorry for my Dad.  Because he lost a good friend.  Someone he loved very much.  And unfortunately, because of his age, this is going to start happening more and more.  And that breaks my heart.  I don't want to see him hurt.  I don't want to see him go through it.  And of course, it reminds me that MY PARENTS are getting older as well.  And you know what THAT means.  NOW you see why I've been crying?!  

But Lonnie was a GREAT man.  He had the biggest laugh of anyone you'd ever met.  He would start laughing, and then YOU'D start laughing, because you were laughing at HIM!  And he had a big heart.  He REALLY cared about people.  He loved his family.  He loved his grandkids.  He loved his friends.  He loved us all.  And we were very lucky to have had him in our lives.  And I guess THAT'S what I need to focus on.  THAT'S what I need to remind myself.  THAT'S what I need to remember.