College . . .

 

I went to Eastern Kentucky University (EKU) for college.  And I LOVED it!  I sort of liked grade school; I DESPISED High School-but that's a story for another day; (except for the retreats, they were AWESOME); but I LOVED college.  I made some amazing friends that I'm still VERY close with today, including one of best friends.  I grew up a lot.  I learned a lot, not just education wise, but in life.  I learned to manage my money.  I learned to live on my own.  I learned how to prioritize my time.  (Yes, I'm not very good at it, but I still LEARNED it)!  :)  

I just freakin' LOVED it!  And there are days that I still miss it.  I loved living on campus.  I enjoyed the hustle and bustle.  I loved the fact that there was always something going on.  Once I finally picked my major, Psychology, (which is pretty useless by the way if you don't get your Masters/Doctorate), I even loved the classes.  To show you HOW much I enjoyed my classes, I actually got an A in my Psychology Statistics class.  Now, that might not seem like such a big deal, but if you really knew me, you'd know that Math and I DO. NOT. GET. ALONG.  We just don't like each other.  AT. ALL.  So for me to get an A in Statistics?  That's HUGE.  I mean H-U-G-E!   As a matter of fact, I actually got a 4.0 that semester.  The ONLY time it happened by the way, but it still happened. 

My only regret?  I wish I would have realized back then how important college really was, and continued on with my degree.  Even today, 20 years later, I still LOVE Psychology.  Anything Psychology related I enjoy.  I would love to be a Child/Family Counselor.  I was leaning towards Social Work/Counseling while in college, but I was just tired of school and I wanted out.  So I didn't continue my degree.  Now I really wish I had.  Because now I'm 42 years old, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  Actually, I DO know.  I want to be the same thing I wanted back then.  I want to be a Counselor/Psychologist.  Only now I'm too old to go back to school.  And too tired.  

So maybe I didn't learn as much in college as I SHOULD have.  Like I should have learned, back then, how important it REALLY was.  And how much it would affect the rest of my life. 

PYHO: Paying It Forward . . . It Really DOES Happen!

I have this AMAZING brother.  I can't even begin to tell you about all of the wonderful things he does for other people.  He coaches basketball for one of the private schools here in town, and he has for years and years.  He basically makes about 25 cents an hour for coaching. That might sound like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it's not.  He spends HOURS coaching, and makes very little money for it.  But he doesn't do it because he gets paid, he does it because he loves it.  And I mean LOVES it!  And they LOVE him! 

Scott started coaching when he was in 7th grade.  He started coaching clinic ball with the 3rd/4th graders.  He then moved on to 5th/6th graders, then 7th/8th graders, and now he coaches high school.  He's 41 years old.  That's A LOT of years of coaching.  And he's VERY good.  VERY, VERY good.  He sees and understands the game like no one I've ever met.  He loves his players, and they love him.  (He coaches girls, by the way.  He once told me he'll never coach boys again because they think they know everything, but the girls listen).  :)

Of course I'm a little biased, so let me tell you how I KNOW they love him.  You see, my brother is a big guy.  I mean a BIG guy.  Here's a picture of him:

But he is also an AMAZING guy.  One of the guys he coaches with, Keith, described him as having a heart as big as his body.  And that's so true.  

So anyway, about 2 months ago, my Dad called to ask my opinion about something.  He had gotten a call from Keith telling him they, the coaches and a couple of his closest friends, were VERY concerned about his weight.  They said it's been slowing him down and he just looks miserable.  He's been there for about 15 years, and they want him to be around for 15+ more.  So they got together and decided that they were going to help him, as long as he was receptive to it.  They called Dad to see how they thought Scott would take it.  Dad then called me to ask my opinion.  I told him Scott's not stupid.  He KNOWS he needs to lose weight.  *I* need to lose weight, and I'm not as big as him.  He KNOWS.  So it's not like it's some new information they're giving him.  But I think he'll take it okay because of who it's coming from.  These guys ADORE him.  And so do the girls' he coaches.  They are doing this because they want him to be around for many more years.  So yeah, he might get his feelings hurt, but he'll be okay, because he knows it's coming out of love.

So the guys told Scott they were having a coach's meeting.  Only when he showed up, they told him it WASN'T a coach's meeting, it was about him.  They were concerned about his weight and they thought he needed to do something, and if he agreed, they were here to help him.  They said he was very receptive to it.  He told them he knew something needed to be done, but he couldn't afford to do anything major. Well that's where THEY come in.  THEY ARE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING!  Y'all, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the Biggest Loser Resort, but a 4 week stay, which is what he's staying, costs $10,000!  $10,000!  And they're covering it all.  The number of people that have stepped up to help fund this, is absolutely amazing.  It seems like people have been coming out of the woodwork.  They're getting cards and letters on a weekly basis with money from people he's known over the years.  The people he's paying rent to?  They're not charging him rent the month he's gone.  His boss?  He told him his health was more important than his job and that he will STILL have a job when he gets back.  (Keep in mind, he's going to be gone for 30 days)!  And here's the other thing, the guys that started this, they are going to CONTINUE helping him when he gets back.   They aren't going to leave him high and dry.  They're going to exercise with him.  They're going to eat healthier with him.  They're going to help him make a complete lifestyle change.

But there's still MORE to the story.  One of the guys that started this was telling me about his daughter.  She's a senior in high school, and Scott's been coaching her for years.  When her Dad told her what was going on, she told him she had $158 in the bank, and she wanted to donate $100 of it to Scott.  Do you KNOW how HUGE that is?  Here's this 17 year old kid that is taking more than HALF of the money she has saved, and is donating it to Scott's fund.  THAT'S the kind of effect he has on people.   THAT'S the kind of person he is. 

I've ALWAYS known what a great person my brother is.  He was my best friend when we were kids.  We did everything together.  We grew up on a street with no other kids, so we just had each other until we moved when I was 5 and he was 4.  And we continued to stay close.  He played school with me, and I played cars with him.  He always had my back, and I always had his.  But he's my brother.  I'm SUPPOSED to feel that way about him.  Luckily, he makes it easy to love him!  :)  But to know that ALL these people that DON'T have to love him, DO, THAT'S amazing!  THAT says something about the kind of person that he is.

The night before he left I was with him a local Sports Bar watching the University of Kentucky football game.  (Yes, they suck, but they're STILL my team!  :) )  That night about 30+ people came into the bar to see him before he left.  Some stayed for 5 minutes, some stayed longer, but they all came to see HIM.  And to wish him luck.  Every time someone would talk to me about him, I would start crying.  My Dad kept telling everyone, "Can you tell they're close?!"  But I wasn't crying because he's leaving, I think it's a GREAT thing.  I was crying because I KNOW what a huge POSITIVE change this is going to be for him. And I was crying because I know that if it wasn't for all of these amazing people loving him and seeing the good in him, the way *I* do, this would never be happening.  

You see, some people look at fat people and don't give them the time of day because they don't think they're worth anything.  (Believe me, I know.  I've lived it pretty much most of my life).  And that's a shame.  Because just like they say you can't judge a book by it's cover, you also can't judge a person by their size.  I know some people that are small and skinny and cute as can be; on the outside anyway.  But they're not someone I want my kids to grow up to be.  And I know people that are big like me and like Scott, and they're some of my favorite people, and I would LOVE for my kids to grow up to be like them.  So to know that ALL of these people took the time to get to know him and love him INSPITE of his size; these KIDS that adore him, and we all know teenagers can be be pretty crappy to people that look different, to know that THEY see the beautiful person he is inside.  THAT'S awesome.  And I think that's an insight into him.  No one deserves this outpouring of faith and love more than he does.  

I am SO proud of him, and I am SO lucky to call him my brother.  

So that "paying it forward" stuff.  Yeah, it really does happen.  I'm living it right now.  And I am SO thankful to all of the wonderful people that made it happen for him.  Because he deserves it.  He deserves ALL of it.  And yeah, maybe I'm a little biased because he's my brother, but when you have THAT many people step up to the plate and donate THAT much money, it's not just me being biased.  It's him having a special place in the hearts of everyone he meets. 

PYHO: Sensitive Child Part 2:

Thanks for the heartfelt and honest opinions from everyone that responded to my last post about Andrew.  If you didn't see it the first time, you can read it HERE.

After many months of worrying about him and trying to decide what to do, I finally went to talk to the AP at school today.  I like her.  I feel comfortable talking to her.  And I trust her to do what she thinks is right for Andrew.  I told her about my concerns and that I feel as though I'm not helping him.  I have a Psychology Degree.  I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP HIM.  But I can't.  And I think it's because I'm too close to the situation.  I think it's because he's MY son and I can't be objective.  I think it's because I'm too worried about changing the person that he is inside, and I DON'T want to do that.  I LOVE the person that he is.  I ADORE him.  But it also breaks my heart to see him so concerned about what other people think of him.  It breaks my heart to hear him talk about how everyone is so much better, smarter, athletic, funnier, than him.  It makes me cry every time I think about him not seeing the good things in himself and realizing what an amazing person he is.  It keeps me up at night when he's going through his stage of worrying about someone dying, which happens about every 5-6 weeks.  I don't want to CHANGE who he is, but I also can't stand to keep seeing him in so much pain.  So SOMETHING has to change.  SOMEONE has to be able to help him.  And it's obviously not me.  And that tears me up more than you'll ever know.  

So I finally went to someone else for help.  Something I probably should have done months ago.  But I guess better late than never, right?!  She understand where I'm coming from.  She agrees that we don't want to change who he is, but we need to address what's causing all of the negativity.  I know he's not telling me everything.  I know there's more going on than I know.  But I don't know WHAT that is.  So she is going to talk to the counselors at school, the school psychologist, and also his teacher, to see if we can come up with a plan to help him.  To see if we can find a way to boost his self esteem.  To make him realize what an incredible little boy he is.  And at the same time, NOT change who he is deep inside.  

Because THAT person?  That person is AMAZING.  And THAT person deserves to KNOW that he's amazing.  And that person, needs to feel pride in who he is.  No matter what happens, I know he will always be compassionate and caring, and that's only part of what makes him so special.  But THAT person, needs to have pride in himself.  THAT PERSON needs to love himself.  And right now, I don't think he does.  Even though he's only 10.  And that makes me feel like somewhere, I'VE done something wrong.  So now it's time to change that.  Now it's time to stop worrying about what I've done wrong, and start working on what's the best way to help him.  Because he DESERVES to be happy.  He deserves to love himself and see all of the amazing things that *I* see in him.  He deserves not to question everything he does and says.  He deserves to know that people love him, and that the only one comparing him to others, is him.  He DESERVES that.  And not just because he's my child.  But because EVERY CHILD deserves to feel that way.  ESPECIALLY MY CHILD.  ;)

PYHO: Can A Boy Be TOO Sensitive?

I have an AMAZING little boy.  I actually have 2 boys and 1 girl, and they're all great.  And I love them dearly.  But Andrew, my 10 year old, is a little different.  He's very sensitive.  About EVERYTHING.  My husband and I "clash" sometimes because he thinks he's TOO sensitive.  He says he needs to "man" up and get some back bone.  I think there's no such thing as TOO sensitive.  I think he's only 10, and he'll grow up fast enough, so there's nothing wrong with him being sensitive at this age.  I WANT him to stay sensitive.  I think he'll make a great boyfriend/husband one day BECAUSE of his sensitivity.  (Mind you, I'm thinking MANY, MANY YEARS from now.  He is only 10 after all). ;)

But I still worry about him.  What if hubby is right?  What if he IS too sensitive?  He has VERY little self-esteem.  He's constantly worrying about what other people think of him.  He gets his feelings hurt VERY easily.  Sometimes I feel like I have to censor what I say to him because I don't know how he's going to take it, and I don't want to upset him.  So in that respect, maybe he IS too sensitive.  But that's his nature.  It's his personality.  It's a part of who he is, and I don't want to change who he is, because he is SO special.  But I still worry.  He's the one I think will get bullied.  He HAS been bullied on the bus, and I had to go to the school counselor to help handle the situation.  And he did.  But he can't always be there for him.  Next year, he moves on to middle school.  Next year kids are going to be even meaner.  And crueler.  And looking for someone they can pick on.  And he's an easy target because he wears his heart on his sleeve.  If you say something to upset him, you can see it on his face immediately.  And bullies will jump on that.  I've tried telling him to act like it doesn't bother him, but he's not very good at it.  And who can blame him?  I'm not good at it either and I'm 42.  How can I expect HIM to be good at it when he's only 10?  

You see, I GET my son.  I KNOW what he's thinking and how he's feeling, because I've BEEN there.  I was just like him.  Hell, I'm STILL just like him.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I get my feelings hurt VERY easily.  I shut down when I'm hurt or upset.  I second guess everything I do and say to other people.  I analyze the things people say to me and wonder what they REALLY meant.  I assume people are talking about me.  And don't like me.  I assume people would rather be with anyone BUT me.  So yeah, I GET him.  I KNOW where he's coming from.  

But I still wonder - is there such a thing as TOO sensitive?  Is it different for a boy?  And if so, how do you change that?  How do you help them get a thicker skin?  What would you do if it was YOUR kid?  I really need to know.  Because I DON'T know what to do.  And I HATE seeing my "baby" doubt himself and be in pain all of the time.  So how do I help him?  CAN I help him?

My Special Little Boy

 

Sending My Baby Off To Kindergarten . . .

My baby girl started Kindergarten last week.  And she did GREAT!  She couldn't WAIT to get on the bus.  Me, I had a little harder time.  :(  She's my last child.  The only girl.  The last one to start school.  I've had a child with me for 13 years.  So yeah, her starting was hard.  But I'm REALLY glad she did.  She is LOVING it.  She's been around Tully her whole life, so for her to finally be able to go to school there is a lot of fun for her.  I just hope she has a great year.  I think she will.  She has an AMAZING teacher.  

But I still can't believe my baby girl is starting Kindergarten.  I can't believe Jason is in 8th grade.  Man, do I feel old!  After this year I'll have Jason in High School, Andrew in Middle School, and Sarah Beth in Elementary School.  I guess I'll lose whatever sanity I have left! 

So now we're in school mode.  Let's hope we have a great year.  For all of us!