DAY 4: WISH I HAD THE COURAGE . . .

Four Things You Wish You Could Say, But Might Never

• I'm not sure what I ever did to you, or why you don't like me, but I'm tired of worrying about it.  I'm sure you have your reasons.  I'm also tired of hearing about how the world is against you.  You get what you give.  Please don't spout to me about friends or family, when it's only convenient for you.  If you aren't going to act like a friend to me, then please don't try to lay a guilt trip on me about how I should act.  I know I don't fit into the "mold" of what you think I should be, but just because I don't look a certain way, it doesn't mean I'm not a good person.  I've spent too many years trying to be someone you would like.  I'm done trying.  If you don't like me, that's YOUR problem.  Not mine.
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• I think you're both being goofy.  You've both said things you shouldn't have said.  You've both done things you shouldn't have done.  Now get over it!  I think it's pretty crappy that it's gone on this long.  But honestly, I'm done worrying about it.  And you should be too.  You've both made it very clear that you're never going to forgive each other, which I also think is pretty stupid, so why keep dredging it up?  I do however think it's pretty crappy that 2 grown adults can't be civil to each other.  I've spent most of my kids' lives telling them that they are not going to like everyone they meet, but they at least have to be respectful to everyone, whether they like them or not.  Why is that THEY know that, and you don't?  One more thing, I also think it's pretty crappy that it's affected more than just the two of you.  That's very childish and should NEVER have happened.  
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• I love you very much.  But you really hurt my feelings.  And it's not something I'll probably ever forget.  It's been almost 18 months, and it still bothers me.  And when I tried to tell you that it hurt me, all you wanted to do was tell me more things that I did wrong.  I'm not saying what you said was wrong, because it wasn't.  But your timing was awful.  And instead of agreeing that you could have timed it better, you just told me about other things I've done to disappoint you.  How would you have felt if that was the last time you saw me?  What if something had happened to the plane I was on?  Is that REALLY the last thing you wanted me to remember? I spent the whole plane ride thinking about what a disappointment I am and that if something happened to the plane, at least I wouldn't be a disappointment anymore. 
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• Sometimes you make me SO angry.  I don't feel like you respect my feelings.  I feel like I have to justify so many things I do and I have to censor a lot of the things that come out of my mouth.  Just because we don't like the same things doesn't mean my things are stupid.  They're just different.  So why do you have to keep making fun of them?  Why can't you just accept that we are different?  I don't make fun of the things you like.  Why can't you respect me enough to do the same?